Frasier (TV Series)
Mixed Doubles (1996)
David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane
Photos
Quotes
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Niles : I would have said, "Is this seat taken?" and you would have said "No." You would have said, "My name is Daphne." I would have said, "My name is Niles." And then I would have said, "What are you doing for the rest of your life?"
Daphne : You always know the right thing to say. Oh, I love you Dr Crane.
Niles : And I love you too, Daphne.
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[Niles has asked Roz to take him to a singles bar she calls "The Sure Thing."]
Niles : Well, I'm here. I forgot to gargle, I'm wearing mismatched socks, and I'm so nervous, I could wet myself.
Roz Doyle : Well, at least we have your opening line down.
Niles : You're going to have to be patient with me, Roz; this isn't exactly my milieu.
Roz Doyle : Okay, let's make that lesson number one: If you're going to use words like "milieu," you might as well show up here with a sore on your lip and a couple of kids.
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Niles : She's fabulous. I know it's only been three dates, but I feel as though I've been rescued. I no longer have to worry about becoming one of those pitiful losers, embittered by a failed marriage, leading a lonely, pathetic life of...
[Frasier glares at Niles]
Niles : ...fulfillment and good times!
Frasier : Shouldn't you make a beeping noise when you back up like that?
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Rodney Banks : About my coffee, I neglected to mention that I like my milk steamed - with a dollop of foam such as might give the effect of a cumulus cloud reflected upon a still pond.
Niles : [to Rodney] Consider it done.
[turning to others]
Niles : I want to kill myself!
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Niles : Exactly how is the brandy getting here? By St. Bernard?
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Daphne : Isn't Rodney just great? You know, I think it was the moment I broke up with Joe that I heard a voice saying, "Daphne, it's time you went for a completely new type of man."
Niles : [Daphne leaves. Niles grabs a spatula] You're a dead man!
[lunges at Frasier and is blocked by Martin]
Frasier : Let's serve our guests their coffee!
[Frasier and Martin carry cups of coffee out to the living room]
Frasier : Here we are, coffee. Milk's on its way; Niles is still steaming.
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Frasier : You do have a wonderful new woman in your life now, don't you?
Niles : Yes, I suppose I do.
Frasier : And Adelle does make you very happy, doesn't she?
Niles : Yes. Yes, she does.
Frasier : Well, then, if you've ever taken any of my advice before, take this: Adelle could very well be the path to your happiness.
[sees Adelle and Rodney kissing behind Niles' back]
Frasier : But let's just say I'm wrong.
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Frasier : [At the Café Nervosa, talking to Niles] Well, then, if you've ever taken any of my advice before, take this: Adelle may very well be the path to your happiness.
Frasier : [Frasier sees Adelle comes in with Rodney] But let's say I'm wrong...
Niles : But, but you're not wrong. Adelle is a wonderful, affectionate woman. She's clearly drawn to a man of my type. Just thinking about her lifts my spirits. Frasier... thank you.
Frasier : [Pointing to Adelle and Rodney] Niles, look.
Niles : [Angered] I don't believe it! The betrayal! No one treats Daphne like that!
Frasier : Niles! Whatever you do, do not engage him in a physical fight. The whole thing would just look too weird!
Niles : Hello, Adelle.
Adelle Childs : [startled] Oh no.
Rodney Banks : I know this may look a tad incriminating, but the truth is...
Niles : Oh, spare me, you ludicrous popinjay. I know exactly what's going on here, I saw the whole thing from my table.
Adelle Childs : I was going to call you. You see, Rodney and I... I'm sorry.
Niles : So am I, Adelle. But I'm mainly sorry for Daphne. How do you intend to handle that small matter?
Rodney Banks : I was planning on telling her this evening at Granville's. We're meeting for drinks.
Niles : Granville's. Why don't you do her a favor? Let me tell her. It might be better coming from a friend.
Rodney Banks : [Clasping Adelle's hand affectionately] Yes, perhaps you're right. Please tell her that I'm sorry. Sometimes, when a man meets the woman that he's meant to be with, there's nothing he can do to resist it. I hope Daphne understands that.
Niles : I hope she understands it too.
Frasier : [Niles leaves the café. Frasier is about to leave] Rodney. Adelle.
Frasier : [Pausing] You know, there's just one thing I'd like to ask you, Rodney: do you have an older brother?
Rodney Banks : As a matter of fact, I do. He's always been the pride of the family - handsome, successful, brilliant. I've always been rather jealous of him.
Frasier : [as he leaves] Spooky.
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Rodney Banks : Nothing smells quite so heavenly as a freshly brewed cup of coffee. Well, perhaps one thing does.
Daphne : [Rodney smells Daphne's hair. She laughs] Oh, stop that! He just loves to smell my hair!
Frasier : [There's a crash from the kitchen, where Niles is. Frasier fears he's broken one of his Henry VIII's wives coffee cups] Anne Boleyn?
Niles : [off camera] Catherine of Aragon.
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Niles : [Daphne told them she met a man at a bar the night before] Give it a day, Niles. I believe that was your brilliant advice?
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Frasier : [Frasier is looking through the telescope. Niles fidgets beside him. Martin is reading the paper in his Armchair] Oh my God... breathtaking.
Niles : Well, don't be greedy! Your turn was over forty seconds ago!
Frasier : All right, all right, Niles, all right.
[steps away]
Frasier : It's the penthouse unit, fourth from the left.
Niles : [looking] Oh, mama!
Martin : You two know that what you're doing isn't right, don't you?
Frasier : We're simply admiring a very rare Brancusi armchair, not a naked woman.
Martin : That's what I'm talking about.
