- Martin: [answering phone as Niles and Rodney mirror each other] Hello? Oh, I can't talk right now, Duke. I'm in the Twilight Zone!
- [hangs up]
- Niles: I would have said, "Is this seat taken?" and you would have said "No." You would have said, "My name is Daphne." I would have said, "My name is Niles." And then I would have said, "What are you doing for the rest of your life?"
- Daphne: You always know the right thing to say. Oh, I love you Dr Crane.
- Niles: And I love you too, Daphne.
- Martin: What are the Sonics thinking last night? If you're two for fifteen from behind the arc, why do you still give it to your two-guard instead of jamming it down to your big man in the paint?
- [pause]
- Frasier: Eddie, I believe that question was directed at you.
- Martin: [rolls his eyes] You know, if you took an interest in sports, I bet you'd end up enjoying it. It's got drama, it's got graceful stuff...
- Frasier: Thank you, Dad, but frankly I'm quite satisfied with the likes of Pavorotti's "Pagliacci." You have your big man in the paint, I have mine.
- [Niles and Adelle drop by to pick up their opera tickets]
- Frasier: Say, have you got time for a coffee before you go?
- Adelle Childs: That'd be nice.
- Frasier: Splendid! It'll give me a chance to debut my Limoges coffee set. Each cup bears a portrait of a different wife of Henry VIII. My antiques scout just found an Anne of Cleves to complete the set!
- Martin: He loves to rub it in. I'm still looking for a Wilma to complete my juice glass set.
- [Niles has asked Roz to take him to a singles bar she calls "The Sure Thing."]
- Niles: Well, I'm here. I forgot to gargle, I'm wearing mismatched socks, and I'm so nervous, I could wet myself.
- Roz Doyle: Well, at least we have your opening line down.
- Niles: You're going to have to be patient with me, Roz; this isn't exactly my milieu.
- Roz Doyle: Okay, let's make that lesson number one: If you're going to use words like "milieu," you might as well show up here with a sore on your lip and a couple of kids.
- Niles: She's fabulous. I know it's only been three dates, but I feel as though I've been rescued. I no longer have to worry about becoming one of those pitiful losers, embittered by a failed marriage, leading a lonely, pathetic life of...
- [Frasier glares at Niles]
- Niles: ...fulfillment and good times!
- Frasier: Shouldn't you make a beeping noise when you back up like that?
- Rodney Banks: About my coffee, I neglected to mention that I like my milk steamed - with a dollop of foam such as might give the effect of a cumulus cloud reflected upon a still pond.
- Niles: [to Rodney] Consider it done.
- [turning to others]
- Niles: I want to kill myself!
- Daphne: Isn't Rodney just great? You know, I think it was the moment I broke up with Joe that I heard a voice saying, "Daphne, it's time you went for a completely new type of man."
- Niles: [Daphne leaves. Niles grabs a spatula] You're a dead man!
- [lunges at Frasier and is blocked by Martin]
- Frasier: Let's serve our guests their coffee!
- [Frasier and Martin carry cups of coffee out to the living room]
- Frasier: Here we are, coffee. Milk's on its way; Niles is still steaming.
- Frasier: You do have a wonderful new woman in your life now, don't you?
- Niles: Yes, I suppose I do.
- Frasier: And Adelle does make you very happy, doesn't she?
- Niles: Yes. Yes, she does.
- Frasier: Well, then, if you've ever taken any of my advice before, take this: Adelle could very well be the path to your happiness.
- [sees Adelle and Rodney kissing behind Niles' back]
- Frasier: But let's just say I'm wrong.
- Frasier: [At the Café Nervosa, talking to Niles] Well, then, if you've ever taken any of my advice before, take this: Adelle may very well be the path to your happiness.
- Frasier: [Frasier sees Adelle comes in with Rodney] But let's say I'm wrong...
- Niles: But, but you're not wrong. Adelle is a wonderful, affectionate woman. She's clearly drawn to a man of my type. Just thinking about her lifts my spirits. Frasier... thank you.
- Frasier: [Pointing to Adelle and Rodney] Niles, look.
- Niles: [Angered] I don't believe it! The betrayal! No one treats Daphne like that!
- Frasier: Niles! Whatever you do, do not engage him in a physical fight. The whole thing would just look too weird!
- Niles: Hello, Adelle.
- Adelle Childs: [startled] Oh no.
- Rodney Banks: I know this may look a tad incriminating, but the truth is...
- Niles: Oh, spare me, you ludicrous popinjay. I know exactly what's going on here, I saw the whole thing from my table.
- Adelle Childs: I was going to call you. You see, Rodney and I... I'm sorry.
- Niles: So am I, Adelle. But I'm mainly sorry for Daphne. How do you intend to handle that small matter?
- Rodney Banks: I was planning on telling her this evening at Granville's. We're meeting for drinks.
- Niles: Granville's. Why don't you do her a favor? Let me tell her. It might be better coming from a friend.
- Rodney Banks: [Clasping Adelle's hand affectionately] Yes, perhaps you're right. Please tell her that I'm sorry. Sometimes, when a man meets the woman that he's meant to be with, there's nothing he can do to resist it. I hope Daphne understands that.
- Niles: I hope she understands it too.
- Frasier: [Niles leaves the café. Frasier is about to leave] Rodney. Adelle.
- Frasier: [Pausing] You know, there's just one thing I'd like to ask you, Rodney: do you have an older brother?
- Rodney Banks: As a matter of fact, I do. He's always been the pride of the family - handsome, successful, brilliant. I've always been rather jealous of him.
- Frasier: [as he leaves] Spooky.
- Rodney Banks: Nothing smells quite so heavenly as a freshly brewed cup of coffee. Well, perhaps one thing does.
- Daphne: [Rodney smells Daphne's hair. She laughs] Oh, stop that! He just loves to smell my hair!
- Frasier: [There's a crash from the kitchen, where Niles is. Frasier fears he's broken one of his Henry VIII's wives coffee cups] Anne Boleyn?
- Niles: [off camera] Catherine of Aragon.
- Niles: [Daphne told them she met a man at a bar the night before] Give it a day, Niles. I believe that was your brilliant advice?
- Frasier: [Frasier is looking through the telescope. Niles fidgets beside him. Martin is reading the paper in his Armchair] Oh my God... breathtaking.
- Niles: Well, don't be greedy! Your turn was over forty seconds ago!
- Frasier: All right, all right, Niles, all right.
- [steps away]
- Frasier: It's the penthouse unit, fourth from the left.
- Niles: [looking] Oh, mama!
- Martin: You two know that what you're doing isn't right, don't you?
- Frasier: We're simply admiring a very rare Brancusi armchair, not a naked woman.
- Martin: That's what I'm talking about.
- Martin Crane: [Frasier and Eddie are seated opposite each other at the dinner table, having a stare-down contest. Martin enters] You're wasting your time.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No, I'm not.
- Martin Crane: You're not gonna win.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It's time he learned what it's like to be stared at all the time. Bring it on, Buster, you got nothing. You can't touch me, I'm - Gaah!
- [breaks away, clutching his eyes]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It's like his eyes turned into sorcerer's pinwheels and started spinning!