- Daphne: Simon!
- Simon Moon: Hello, sis.
- Daphne: I thought you were in California.
- Simon Moon: Yeah, well, those friends I went to surprise were out of town. So I decided to housesit for 'em, which was lovely. 'Til they came home last night. I don't know what all the screaming was about, I was the one in the tub! Where should I put this bag?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: By the door so you don't forget it when you leave.
- Simon Moon: Right. I think I know everyone here.
- [spots Roz]
- Simon Moon: Or do I? And what would your name be then, Miss?
- Roz Doyle: Simon, you low-life idiot! You made a date with me last week and you stood me up!
- Simon Moon: Sorry, love, I need a bit more to go on.
- Roz Doyle: Maybe this'll refresh your memory.
- [slams the door in his face]
- Simon Moon: Roz! Of course!
- Simon Moon: Thank you Marty, it's most hospitable of you.
- Martin Crane: Well, you gotta have a place to stay...
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Stop right there! He cannot stay here! The man is loud, ill-mannered, and the last time he stayed here he killed a ficus tree on the downstairs neighbor's balcony by means which are best left to the imagination!
- Simon Moon: [Niles is at the door, wearing a large grin] Well, by the look of that smile on your face, I'd say somebody got himself a bit last night.
- [gestures lewdly with arms]
- Niles: [looking shocked and appalled] I find that remark rude, boorish, and IMPOSSIBLE TO DENY!
- [Breaks out laughing]
- Daphne: Dr Crane, you shouldn't say such things.
- Niles: It's the truth. Lord knows, I have tried to deny it - tried to pretend that I'm over you - but not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. Your smile, your beautiful eyes, what it would be like to hold your hands and ask you the question I never dared ask...
- Donny Douglas: [suddenly bursting in the room] What's the difference between a blister and a boil?
- Daphne: [having been interrupted with Niles several times] Don't the doors in this bloody place lock?
- Niles: [Niles has told Daphne that he loves her] Lovely night, isn't it? Stars are out, nice breeze... mmm, night-blooming jasmine. Of course, there's the beautiful girl.
- Daphne: Dr Crane, I still haven't answered your question.
- Niles: Yes, I know, that's why I keep talking. In case I don't get the answer I want, I can at least make this moment last a little longer. I'm not sure if it's jasmine or orange blossom. You know, a lot of times...
- Daphne: [interrupting him] Oh, for God's sake, Dr Crane!
- [kisses him]
- Niles: I think you can call me Niles now.
- Roz Doyle: Going to a wedding with your boss is like going to the prom with your brother.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles and I did not go to the prom together! Our dates were sick and we went stag!
- Niles: In retrospect, we should have cancelled the horse-drawn carriage, but hindsight is 20-20.
- Daphne: Would you like steak or salmon at my wedding ? oh, and by the way, I think I might be in love with you!
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: Don't be silly. I've been here enough times to know how to get the coffee made. Daphne, make us some coffee.
- [awkward pause]
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: Kidding!
- Daphne: [sobbing as she hugs Frasier] I'm sorry to get so emotional like this.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It's all right. The funeral must've really upset you.
- Daphne: It's not that. Dr. Crane? I've wanted to talk to you about this all week, but I haven't known what to say. You promise you'll keep this just between us?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Of course.
- Daphne: It's about your brother. You see, I know.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Know what?
- Daphne: I know about his feelings for me.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: My God! How did you find out?
- Daphne: It's not important.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Somebody blabbed, didn't they? Why can't people just mind their own business? Who was the nattering gossip? Roz? Dad?
- Daphne: You.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: What?
- Daphne: You were taking those pills for your back and you blurted it out while I was giving you a massage.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, well, they were very strong pills, you see...
- Daphne: Needless to say, it completely took my breath away. At first, I tried to forget about it, put it out of my mind.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, the bottle said just to take one, but I'm a big man...
- Daphne: Oh, will you shut up about those pills?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Daphne: [continuing] Anyway, after a while, I couldn't put it out of my mind anymore. I find myself thinking about him all the time.
- [Daphne starts sobbing once again]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Daphne... are you saying that you have feelings for Niles?
- Daphne: I think I do. Oh, I don't know! Even if I did, he may not feel that way about me anymore, he's with Mel now!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I-I don't know what to tell you, Daph. Uh, I, I, think the best thing is for you to, to try to find a way to talk with Niles.
- Daphne: Oh. That's not an easy conversation to have.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It's easier now than after you're married.
- Daphne: You're right, I have to talk to him. And right away. I'm already making myself sick over this. If I leave it any longer, I'll be a complete basket case. Uh, did he mention if he was going home?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, ah, actually, um, ah, he's going, ah, somewhere else first. Um...
- Daphne: Where?
- Martin Crane: Niles, how was your trip?
- Niles: Oh, fantastic, Dad. Where's Frasier? I have some news.
- Martin Crane: He'll be back in a bit. What's up?
- Niles: Oh, well, uh, I should wait for Frasier, it was really his idea. Do you mind?
- Martin Crane: I can wait.
- Niles: Okay, I can't!
- Martin Crane: What is it?
- Niles: I'm married!
- Martin Crane: [shocked] Married?
- Niles: Yes, Mel and I eloped yesterday. Well?
- Martin Crane: [gets up to hug him] Well... congratulations, son! That's great. So, uh, you're happy, right?
- Niles: Oh, happy? I'm delirious!
- Martin Crane: Yeah, you'd have to be, wouldn't you? So, you say this was Frasier's idea?
- Niles: Well, indirectly, yeah. Oh, oh, before I forget: it occurred to me, I think we should keep this from Daphne and Donny. I would hate for them to think we were stealing their thunder.
- Martin Crane: Can I offer you a beer?
- Simon Moon: Oh, I hate to drink alone. Can I have a sandwich with that?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [speaking to Daphne, Niles and Roz] I'm reminded of a parable...
- [door knock]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Daphne/Niles/Roz: Come in!
- Daphne: Funny thing about Orangina. I never buy Orangina at all. But whenever I'm in a hotel and there's a mini-bar, it's the first thing I go for. Orangina.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Honestly Dad, when will you learn to take a hint?
- Martin Crane: I can't take a hint? Couldn't you see that Niles wanted to talk to you?
- [the elevator doors open as Frasier and Martin get on. Mrs. Richman is already on the elevator, presumably headed to the basement]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [continuing the conversation with Martin] Well, whatever it is, it can wait
- Martin Crane: Oh, yeah! No big deal, he just got married, that's all!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [stunned] What?
- Martin Crane: He eloped with Mel yesterday.
- Mrs. Richman: Poor Daphne...
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Would you please keep out of this, Mrs. Richman?
- [to Martin]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: We have got to get back up there.
- [Frasier presses a button]
- Martin Crane: We're going to the basement.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I can't wait that long!
- [the elevator door opens on a lower floor. Frasier rushes out of the elevator and up the stairs, leaving Martin behind]
- Roz Doyle: [on the phone] Oh, come on George, I'm desperate here. I promise you a good time, a REALLY good time, if you get my drift... You might have mentioned that I was on speaker-phone!
- Mrs. Richman: [upon learning that Niles has eloped with Mel] Poor Daphne.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Would you please keep out of this, Mrs. Richman?