Frasier (TV Series)

The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl (1995)

Peri Gilpin: Roz Doyle

Quotes 

• Roz Doyle : [In the studio the morning after Frasier's on-air romp with Kate]  Okay, *Fabio.* I want two things. One: you will never make another crack about my sex life. I don't care if I start dating a lumber camp.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Done.

  Roz Doyle : And two: Who's 'Dirty Girl'?

  [smiles] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I *can't* tell you that.

  Roz Doyle : Oh, come on, Frasier! I swear, I won't tell a soul!

  [the phone rings. Roz answers it] 

  Roz Doyle : Yes?

  [turns away from Frasier] 

  Roz Doyle : Not yet, I'll call you back.

  [She puts the phone down and gets a glare from Frasier. Bulldog enters] 

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Doc? I got one thing to say to you.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Go ahead, take your best shot.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : [in genuine admiration]  I am so proud of you, man!

  [He hugs a very unmoved Frasier] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [sarcastic]  Well, doesn't that just put the cherry on the parfait.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Now come on, you gotta tell me - who's the mystery chick?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Bulldog, haven't you already seen?

  [points to newspapers] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I've told half a dozen reporters that I'm not going to name names.

  Roz Doyle : [picks up a newspaper and shows it to Bulldog]  Don't you see this right here?

  [reads] 

  Roz Doyle : 'I Won't Fink, Says Kinky Shrink.'

  [Roz and Bulldog laugh; Frasier looks fed up. Roz leaves for her booth. A very uncomfortable-looking Kate creeps in through the side door] 

  Kate Costas : Good afternoon, Dr Crane.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Ms. Costas.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : [to Kate]  Hey, hey, you're the boss - make him tell who his playmate was.

  Kate Costas : [pained]  Bulldog, this is really none of your business.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : Oh, but we got a pool going. So far, hot money's on Roz.

  [Roz, who has just returned, is outraged] 

  Roz Doyle : What? Oh, well, thank you, but I think I have a little more self-respect than to have a quickie with a co-worker on the air! What kind of slut do they think I am?

  [Kate looks extremely uncomfortable] 

  Kate Costas : Dr Crane, could I have a word with you in private?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Er, I'd love that, but I, I've got my show in two minutes.

  Kate Costas : Actually you don't. I'm suspending you for a week. Bulldog, you're going on. Roz - you'll have to produce.

  Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe : All right!

  [He slaps Roz's butt enthusiastically; Roz hits him in the stomach with her clipboard] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [to Kate]  I must say, I find that a, a bit harsh, all things considered.

  Kate Costas : Yes, I can see how you might feel that way. But the station does have certain standards and it is my job to enforce them. Now if you will excuse me, I have to meet with one of last night's sponsors - The Wholesome Family Cookie Company.

  [She leaves] 

• [Kate assigns Frasier to work the 8-10 shift] 

  Roz Doyle : She thinks we're all as happy to work at night as she is. You're a psychiatrist, Frasier. She's a cold, repressed workaholic who has no sex life whatsoever. Can't you help her?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [deadpan]  I've tried, Roz.