- [Frasier was mistakenly thought dead for a day]
- Martin: Boy, everybody was so nice to me, buying me beers and everything. You know, because of the shock I went through thinking I'd lost my son.
- Frasier: Dad, what are you talking about? You didn't think I was dead.
- Martin: Well, people don't have to know that. I could have been at home alone, wondering where you were and I get this strange uneasy feeling so I turn on the TV, and there it is, on the screen: the face of my dead son.
- Frasier: But I was sitting right beside you.
- Martin: What kinda story is that?
- Frasier: It's the truth.
- Martin: Well, the truth doesn't put anything on a coaster.
- Frasier: What, don't you think I can do any of these things?
- Martin: No, I think you can do anything you put your mind to, Frasier. You always have.
- Frasier: Thank you, Dad.
- Martin: I just wonder about all these projects.
- Frasier: Well, as I said, I am streamlining.
- Martin: You know, I think what you discovered this week is that something's missing from your life. And before you start to fill it up with everything but the kitchen sink, I thought you ought to just ask yourself, "what do I really want? What is really going to make me happy... now?"
- [pause]
- Martin: Well, that's weird. I suddenly feel like having a beer.
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: I'm so sorry about all this dust. Do you mind, I'll have to turn on my hepafilter?
- Niles: Oh, you have a hepa...
- [notices and gasps]
- Niles: You have a Svenson!
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: Yes. They're great, aren't they?
- Niles: Not to mention impossible to get in this country, I've tried!
- Receptionist: [over intercom] Dr. Karnofsky, Mrs. Magreshack has a question for you in room three.
- Niles: Helen Magreshack?
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: Oh, I really can't say.
- Niles: [leans in and lowers his voice] She's finally having it removed?
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: [incredulous] Why did she wait?
- Niles: I don't know!
- [they laugh]
- Frasier: I plan to go running just after I finish my obituary.
- [Daphne looks at him askance]
- Frasier: It's a self- actualizing exercise. You write your obituary the way you'd like it to appear - years from now, of course - and then it helps you to focus your goals. Here they are, all my hopes and dreams.
- Daphne Moon: [reads] These are dreams, all right. "Dr. Crane came late to athletics, he became a fixture in the Seattle marathon, the America's Cup yacht race, as well as the Kentucky Derby."
- [laughs]
- Daphne Moon: A jockey at your size? You better start writing an obituary for the horse!
- Frasier: As it turns out, after I left the hospital some poor devil used my name to jump the line and he dropped dead of a heart attack. I must say, it does seem a bit strange having plunged all of Seattle, albeit temporarily, into so much grief.
- Roz Doyle: I know, I'll never forget where I was when I heard you had died. I was out on the street. There was this crowd watching a television through a department store window, and before I knew it, we were weeping and hugging each other.
- Frasier: Very amusing, Roz!
- Roz Doyle: And then it began to rain, and I had this feeling that all the angels were crying.
- Frasier: [irate] Yes, all right, Roz!
- News Anchor: After checking into the hospital with what appeared to be minor injuries from a fender-bender, radio psychiatrist Frasier Crane died suddenly today. I'm sure it goes for all of us here at KYLL when I say he'll be sorely missed.
- [cheerful]
- News Anchor: But this rain won't be missed, will it, Flip?
- [Frasier, Martin, and Daphne watch in disbelief]
- Frasier: Dear God!
- Martin: What the hell?
- Daphne Moon: That's unbelievable!
- Niles: Outrageous!