Frasier (TV Series)

The Two Mrs. Cranes (1996)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Quotes 

• [Frasier is unaware Daphne is pretending to be married to Niles, so he assumes Clive is referring to Maris] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You've met Mrs. Crane?

  Clive : She sure lights up a room, doesn't she?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes. Usually by leaving it.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Clive called for you earlier

  Daphne : Did he sound British?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No, he was one of those fiery Mexican Clives.

• Martin : What the hell is going on here?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Clive is Daphne's old boyfriend. She's trying to let him down easily by pretending to be married to Niles.

  Niles : This is *my* place. Frasier's staying here temporarily because he's separated from Maris.

  Martin : [to Frasier]  You couldn't stand her either, huh?

• Daphne : [to Clive]  Really, we're not the awful people you think we are.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No, the truth is we've been lying to you all night!

• Gil Chesterton : Brilliant show, Frasier! Chock full of pithy insight.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : What do you want?

  Gil Chesterton : A favor. Bonnie Weems, the Auto Lady, just asked me to another one of her wretched dinner parties. Well, I was planning on saying that you and I have ballet tickets, so do back me up.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I'm sorry, I can't.

  Gil Chesterton : Oh, but you've got to! Have you any idea how vile her food is? The local raccoons have posted warning signs on her trash bins!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You see, she already invited me, and I told her I promised my father I'd drive him to his army reunion at Rattlesnake Ridge.

  Gil Chesterton : Oh, very clever. Well, I'd use it myself, but I killed my father off to escape her Labor Day clambake.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Roz, listen, I'm going to the opera tonight. You didn't happen to remember to bring my...

  Roz Doyle : Oh, your opera glasses! I'm so sorry, they completely slipped my mind.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I wouldn't really mind, if you hadn't borrowed them just to ogle that bodybuilder that moved in across the street.

  Roz Doyle : Hey, I've just looked once or twice. It's not like I copied his name off his mailbox, so I could look up his number and call him while he was in the shower, so I could watch him cross the room naked to answer the phone in front of the picture window. That would be wrong.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Look, I want them back. I refuse to squint through Pagliacci while you're trying to watch "The Magic Flute"!

• Martin : [Martin needs a ride for a weekend trip. He looks to Frasier, Niles, and Daphne]  So, who's the lucky one?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, by my count, two of us get to be lucky!

• Daphne : You get rid of her now, or it's Rattlesnake Ridge for you.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You wouldn't!

  Daphne : Oh, wouldn't I? And by the way, Stinky needs a ride.

  [Frasier gasps] 

• Dr. Frasier Crane : And in closing, this goes out to Keith, the narcoleptic I spoke to earlier. I'd be glad to resume our conversation when you feel a bit more alert, but in the meantime, I suggest that you reconsider applying for that air traffic control position.

• Daphne : You'd think with all your dozens and dozens of men, you could at least leave one for me.

  Roz Doyle : Dozens? Did you tell her that?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well forgive me for keeping track.