- Philip Banks: This will take care of that cricket.
- Geoffrey: Sir, that's air freshner.
- Philip Banks: Well, it's all we have. It might work.
- Geoffrey: Yes, perhaps the scent of sea breeze will recall some painful memories for him and then he'll commit suicide.
- William 'Will' Smith: [Will breaks the fourth wall addressing viewers directly] There's definitely some perks working for NBC.
- Ashley Banks: Will, this is all your fault!
- William 'Will' Smith: What is that, like the theme of this family?
- Phillip Banks: You're grounded for 10 years.
- Ashley Banks: What? But that's not fair.
- Phillip Banks: Tell it to the judge... Oh yeah. That's me.
- Ashley Banks: It's still not fair. The Menendez brothers are going to be free before I am.
- Philip Banks: That's because the Menendez Brothers got home on time.
- Ashley Banks: Why are you guys still up? You're making it really hard for me to sneak in.
- William 'Will' Smith: Ashley, you know full well if you wanna sneak past Uncle Phil, you don't go through the kitchen.
- Carlton Banks: I thought Ashley was in bed.
- William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, and you also thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
- Philip Banks: That bug isn't going to get the best of me. Now I know how Captain Ahab felt when he was chasing Moby Dick.
- Geoffrey: Between the two of you, the cricket is the whale?
- Carlton Banks: Will, let me tell you a little story about the grasshopper and the ant.
- William 'Will' Smith: Carlton, I really don't feel like hearing about you and your little friends, ok?
- Carlton Banks: [Will is about to leave, but Carlton stops him] Just listen!
- [they both sit down on the couch]
- Carlton Banks: See, the grasshopper goofed off, while the ant worked hard storing up food for the winter. When the winter came, the ant had food, but the grasshopper starved to death. You know what the moral of the story is?
- William 'Will' Smith: Yep! Even if we were insects, I'd be bigger than you.
- [Will leaves]
- William 'Will' Smith: Ashley, listen, guys are only after two things.
- Ashley Banks: I thought that they were only after one thing.
- William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, but they wanna do it more than once.
- William 'Will' Smith: Hey, man, where you goin'?
- Philip Banks: I'm gonna go ask Ashley if she knows where Randy went.
- William 'Will' Smith: Oh, man, you not gonna just go up there and wake her up, are you? I mean, she could already have morning breath.
- Philip Banks: [Will is holding his hand] Will, please.
- [Will puts his hand down]
- Philip Banks: Randy's father has a very serious problem. If Ashley did something like that, I'd throttle her.
- [Phil starts walking up the stairs]
- William 'Will' Smith: Now, throttling isn't anything like killing, is it?
- Hilary: [reading from a dictionary] Not exactly, the second definition of throttle is to strangle, choke. Killing is the result of throttling.
- Carlton Banks: Either way, I think we're about to see a demonstration.