- Ross: Damn it! This is all your fault! This was supposed to be like the greatest day of my life, you know. My son is being born and... I should be in there, you know. Instead I'm stuck in a closet with you.
- Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
- Ross: No, believe me, no one has been waiting for this just as much as I have. Okay, and you know what the funny thing is? When this thing is over, you get to go home with the baby, okay. Where does that leave me?
- Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. And who am I? There's Fathers Day, there's Mothers Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
- Ross: [exasperated] Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.
- Phoebe Buffay: When I was growing up, you know, my dad left and my mother died and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. Here's this little baby who has three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most, and it's not even born yet. It's just the luckiest baby in the whole world.
- Phoebe Buffay: [singing in the hospital] They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch / Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much / Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why / And you cry and you cry and you cry / And you cry and you cry...
- Ross: [Closing scene; the camera is positioned as though it were Ben's eyes] Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this.
- Ross: [Walks out of the picture but returns] But I'll still always come back, like this.
- Ross: And sometimes I may be away longer, like this.
- Ross: [Walks away longer but returns] But I'll still always come back, like this.
- Chandler: [Chandler comes into the picture and motions his hands] And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this.
- Ross: [Phoebe has climbed into a vent, with her legs hanging out; a janitor opens the broom closet door] Phoebs, it's open! It's open!
- The Janitor: [Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent] Wait! You forgot your legs!
- Joey Tribbiani: [Talking on the phone with Lydia's mother] Hi, yeah, it's me. Oh, no, no, no. We're just friends
- Joey Tribbiani: [listening on the phone] Yeah, I'm single.
- Joey Tribbiani: [listening on the phone] 25. An actor.
- Joey Tribbiani: [Lydia's mother hangs up] Hello?
- Lydia: She's not much of a phone person.
- Ross: [Ross, Susan and Phoebe are stuck in a broom closet; Ross pounds on the door] Help! Help!
- Phoebe Buffay: [singing] They found their bodies the very next day / They found their bodies the very next day.
- Ross, Susan: [louder] Help! Help!
- Dr. Franzblau: So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby.
- [consults clipboard]
- Dr. Franzblau: Wow! I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start! How are you doing with the contractions?
- Carol: [through her suffering] Oh, I love them! It's like a little party in my uterus!