"Full House" No More Mr. Dumb Guy (TV Episode 1990) - John Stamos as Jesse Katsopolis

Jesse Katsopolis : Speaking of literature, wouldn't you say the two finest books ever written would happen to be 'Crime and War' and 'Peace and Punishment?'

Eric Trent : [laughs] I think you have transposed the titles 'War and Peace' and 'Crime and Punishment'... inadvertently.

Jesse Katsopolis : Ah, see, you missed the joke. I transposed them quite 'vertently.'
Joey Gladstone : [Enters the living room and sees Jesse with books] Jess what are you doing with all the books?

Jesse Katsopolis : What can't a man go to the library and check out a section of classical literature for a weekend of good reading?

Joey Gladstone : Who are you and what did you do with Jesse?

Jesse Katsopolis : Well Joey, I got roped up into this cultural party this weekend. And you know, I never went to college so I figured I might as well bone up so I won't look like a bonehead.

Joey Gladstone : Jess, this is great I'm so proud of you! Pretty soon you're going to be smart.

[Imitating The Scarecrow]

Joey Gladstone : so you will not be just a nothin your head all full of stuffin, your heart all full of pain.

[Pushes Jesse to the couch and whistles]

Joey Gladstone : With the thoughts you'll be thinkin you could be another Lincoln, if you only had a brain!

[Falls on the floor like The Scarecrow. Comet joins him]

Jesse Katsopolis : I'll get you

[points at comet while imitating The Wicked Witch of the West]

Jesse Katsopolis : And your little dog too!

John Stamos: Jesse Katsopolis