Futurama (TV Series)
Xmas Story (1999)
Billy West: Philip J. Fry, Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, Conan O'Brien's Announcer, Tree Voice
Photos
Quotes
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Santa Claus Robot : You have all been very naughty! Very naughty indeed! Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you.
Dr. Zoidberg : A pogo stick!
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Dr. Zoidberg : What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb?
[reads card]
Dr. Zoidberg : Heh, heh. Instead of "Claus," he writes "Claws." Now that's humorous! Today's comedians could learn from this card.
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[singing]
Amy Wong : He knows when you are sleeping.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : He knows when you're on the can.
Leela : He'll hunt you down and blast your ass / From here to Pakistan.
Dr. Zoidberg : Oh...
Hermes Conrad : You better not breathe / You better not move
Bender : You're better off dead, / I'm tellin' you, dude.
Fry : Santa Claus is gunning you down!
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Dr. Zoidberg : You, a bobsledder? This I gotta see.
Hermes Conrad : Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of Jamaican bobsledders.
Fry : Yup, I remember. They came last in the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages.
Hermes Conrad : A true inspiration for the children.
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Leela : Fry's outside? He's in great danger!
Dr. Zoidberg : Why?
Leela : I'm telling you why! Because Santa Claus is coming to town!
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[Fry and co. are being terrorized by the robot Santa Claus]
Fry : Please let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.
Robot Santa : You *dare* bribe Santa. I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.
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Fry : All right, bird. You thought you could match me in a battle of wits, but you have just met your equal.
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Fry : [walks out of the pet store with the parrot he got Leela] Well I spent every penny I had, but Leela'a going to love you
[the parrot squawks]
Fry : Hey you're quite the talker aren't you?
[the parrot squawks again]
Fry : Shut the hell up!
[the parrot bites his nose causing him to drop the cage and it gets out of the cage and flies away]
Fry : Stupid bird, I know where you live!
[points at the empty cage]
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Fry : I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along Leela is as lonely as a frog.
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Fry : Every Christmas my Mom would get a fresh goose, for gooseburgers, and my Dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.
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Professor Hubert Farnsworth : [addressing Hermes] You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice Leela's a Cyclops.
Hermes Conrad : Frys over the there, Mon!
[Points in Fry's direction]
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Santa Claus Robot : Fry and Leela, you've both been very naughty! I checked my list!
Fry : Well, check it twice!
Santa Claus Robot : I perform over fifty mega-checks per second!
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Fry : I am going to get you so many lizards!
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Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.
Fry : Yeah!
Leela : Great idea!
Dr. Zoidberg : One can only hope.
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Professor Hubert Farnsworth : [explaining why palm trees are used as Xmas trees] Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty.
[disrobes, standing completely naked]
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Ah. Brisk.
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Fry : [after Santa blows up the parrot he bought for Leela] Your gift may need some assembly.
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[Fry and Leela are skiing]
Fry : Look out! We're heading straight for those trees!
Leela : Relax. Trees down.
Automatic Trees : Trees down!
[the trees lay down and disappear into the snow]
Fry : Hey, cool! But what do you say if you want the trees up?
Automatic Trees : Trees up!
[a tree flips back up, scooping Fry into the air. As Leela skis on, Fry is jammed crotch-first onto the upraised tree]
Fry : [strained voice] Trees down.
Automatic Trees : Trees down!