George Lopez (TV Series)
George Gets Assisterance (2005)
George Lopez: George Lopez
Quotes
-
George Lopez : This is LA. You want to learn Spanish? Take a bus.
-
George Lopez : [to Benny about Linda] If you just open up, show her what you're really like, I guarantee she'll never want to see you again.
Benny : She's not going anywhere. She wants to make me feel guilty and I've got nothing to be sorry about. I couldn't keep both of you, but I made sure she had a good home and nice parents.
George Lopez : Is that what this is about? Deep down, you feel guilty?
Benny : I don't need to hear this from you.
George Lopez : Look, my father wasn't in my life and I always felt like there was something missing because I didn't know him. I'm telling you, Mom, that's how Linda is feeling right now.
Benny : I am nothing like your father was.
George Lopez : If you walk out that gate, you are.
-
Linda Lorenzo : I'll arrange Max to retake the test and then maybe he won't do so well, and I'll be forced to put him back in special ed.
George Lopez : Wow, you're already holding one of your own on your own back. Congratulations, Linda, you are Mexican.
-
Linda Lorenzo : [to George] What are my real parents like?
George Lopez : Well, your father's easy. He left Mom before you were born, I tracked him down last year, I punched him in the face, he asked me for a kidney, and then he died.
Linda Lorenzo : And my mother?
George Lopez : Oh, she's hard to describe in a few words. She's a short, bitter drunk... actually, that about covers it.
-
George Lopez : Max really needs that special ed program.
Linda Lorenzo : I can't put Max back in special ed.
George Lopez : What? I just introduced you to your real mother.
Linda Lorenzo : And now I owe you?
-
Benny : Oh, God. I realized I made a huge mistake!
George Lopez : Mom, you said you couldn't keep us both.
Benny : I know! I should have taken her. She's smart, beautiful, has a good job, hell of a woman!
George Lopez : Of course she turned out okay, she was raised by people!
Benny : It's tough being the ugly sister.
-
Linda Lorenzo : [to George] Why don't you want me to meet her? Are you jealous? You don't want to share your mother with me?
George Lopez : Share? I'll trade! I can be Italian.
[in an Italian accent]
George Lopez : Try the canollis! Forget about it! I know a guy! Whatcha! Badd-bing-ho!
Linda Lorenzo : That's a stereotype.
George Lopez : What do you care? You're a Mexican.
-
Angie Lopez : Show her this letter Max wrote about why he wants to stay in regular classes, I think it'll help strengthen our case.
George Lopez : [reads letter] Dear sir or madman...
[looks at Angie, continues reading]
George Lopez : I really want to stay in regular classes and here are my pot five raisins.
[to Angie]
George Lopez : We let this kid use a knife at the dinner table?
-
George Lopez : [to Linda] Read this letter he wrote, and keep in mind this is not a trained monkey, this is a human boy.
-
George Lopez : [Carmen sneaks down to the kitchen in the dark for a snack] We're out of ice cream.
[turns on the light and reveals he's eaten a dozen ice cream cups]
Carmen Lopez : [worried] Do I need to go get Mom?
George Lopez : Carmen, how would you feel if you found out you were adopted and I wasn't really your dad?
Carmen Lopez : Dad, don't ever say that... unless you're sure it's true! God, that would explain SO much!
George Lopez : You're mine! If you were adopted, I would've returned you, California has lemon laws.
-
George Lopez : This school can't afford special ed. but they can sure afford urinals that flush themselves.
Angie Lopez : Why are you so out of breath?
George Lopez : [laughs] I got them all going at once! It sounded like a waterfall... then the sound of the water made me had to go again.
-
Ernie : Hey what's this, a belt for a wedding dress?
Angie Lopez : Stop it, that's a garter, one of my clients is a plus-sized bride.
George Lopez : It's a brave man that goes to rip this off with his teeth.