Get Smart (TV Series)

And Only Two Ninety-Nine (1970)

Edward Platt: Chief

Quotes 

• Chief : Larabee, you're to go Melnick's furniture warehouse...

  Larabee : Now?

  Chief : Of course now.

  Larabee : But the sale doesn't start until tomorrow morning.

  Chief : Larrabee, I don't have time to argue, just go to the warehouse and arrest Melnick Archer.

  Larabee : Right, Chief.

  Chief : You're also to arrest a man named Marcus.

  Larabee : Marcus? How will I know him?

  Chief : You'll know him, he'll be the man who'll start shooting at you when you arrest Melnick Archer.

  Larabee : Oh. Is he a good shot?

  Chief : I hope so.

• Larabee : Listen, Max, the twins can stay at our place for a few days. My wife would love taking care of them, and they'd have a lot of fun playing in the sand.

  Maxwell Smart : You have a place at the beach, Larabee?

  Larabee : No, but we have a very sandy apartment.

  Maxwell Smart : [thinks for a moment]  Thanks just the same, Larabee.

  [starts dialing] 

  Larabee : Any time, Max.

  [starts to leave] 

  Chief : Hold it, Larabee.

  Larabee : Yeah, Chief?

  Chief : You're not gonna get away with that one that easily.

  Larabee : Which one?

  Chief : Explain it to me, how you have a very sandy apartment.

  Larabee : Oh, well, there's nothing to explain, Chief, we can't get the sand out because our vacuum cleaner's broken.

  Chief : Larabee, if you don't live at the beach, how can you have all that sand in your apartment?

  Larabee : Oh, well, we've been talking about moving to the beach and we wanted to see if we'd like it.

  Chief : Thank you, Larabee.

• Chief : Max, are you sure you and Larabee aren't related?

  Maxwell Smart : You know, a lot of people have asked me that lately, Chief.

• Chief : [Max is constantly falling down]  Max, I think you're coming down with something.

  Maxwell Smart : Yes, well, if I am, Chief, I'm coming down with it a lot.

• Chief : I'm going to telephone Max and tell him to wake that woman and kiss her.

  Agent 99 : What?

  Chief : 99, no two women kiss alike. The second Max kisses her he'll know it's not you.

  Agent 99 : Chief, that's a terrible idea!

  Chief : Why?

  Agent 99 : What if she's better?

• Chief : [on phone in his office]  99 is in her bed?

  Maxwell Smart : [on phone in bedroom]  Well of course she's in her bed, where do you think she sleeps, in the closet?

• Chief : Max! Are you sure you're alright? I mean you've fallen down twice in less than a minute. Even for you that's a lot.