Get Smart (TV Series)
Strike While the Agent Is Hot (1966)
Don Adams: Maxwell Smart
Photos
Quotes
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Maxwell Smart : Now, here's a point that all the men are very, very interested in: for example. If we're captured by enemy agents and taken to a foreign country, why can't we come back tourist class instead of having to stow away?
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Chief : 'The little red tractor that huffed and puffed'.
Agent 99 : Must be some kind of code, Chief.
Chief : That's possible, 99
Maxwell Smart : [slaps the table] That's it, Chief.
Chief : That's what?
Maxwell Smart : Red means communist. Tractor means farmer. Huff and puff means tired.
[sits back with a smug look on his face]
Chief : What's that supposed to mean?
Maxwell Smart : I don't know. Find a tired communist farmer and ask him.
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KAOS Agent #2 : Where did you shoot me?
Maxwell Smart : Left chest.
KAOS Agent #2 : Ah! Good!
Maxwell Smart : Good?
KAOS Agent #2 : As a KAOS agent, I get double indemnity for getting shot above the waist.
Maxwell Smart : Double indemnity for being shot only once?
KAOS Agent #2 : Not only that, if I'm shot and I don't die instantly my family gets an additional 25 per cent for suffering...
Maxwell Smart : Unbelievable.
KAOS Agent #2 : And if I survive my wounds, I get a guaranteed six weeks convalescence leave with pay.
Maxwell Smart : With pay? You gotta be putting me on.
KAOS Agent #2 : Not only that, we get to stay free in any resort on our KAOS credit card, American plan. Three superb meals a day. Tennis, golf, bingo parties, dance lessons and... free... funerals.
[finally succumbs to his wounds]
Maxwell Smart : Lucky devil. Bingo parties? I didn't know KAOS was religious?
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Maxwell Smart : How do you like that? The old secret panel in the bookcase trick. How corny can you get?
KAOS Agent #1 : It fooled you, didn't it?
Maxwell Smart : Just barely.
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Chief : Max, that's good shooting.
Maxwell Smart : I know Chief, I got him right in the fiction section.