- Zach Smart: Why would KAOS buy a record company and then kill the only artist?
- Chief Maxwell Smart: After hearing his records, I'm surprised that he lived as long as he did.
- Agent 66: The bigger question is: what is KAOs doing in the music business?
- Zach Smart: I'm sorry, why is your question bigger than mine?
- Zach Smart: I'm wearing Control piano-hands. Completely undetectable. They contain digitally activated neuro-switches that can play everything from Abba to Zappa. I just get to have them back in time for Agent 29's bachelor party.
- Georgio: Look doll, you sign with us, you're gonna make millions.You'll be the next Madonna, but without the disgusting stuff. And I mean that.
- Zach Smart: These CDs are bogus.
- Chief Maxwell Smart: You're telling me, since my phonograph broke, I've got 400 records and nothing to play them on.
- Chief Maxwell Smart: Too bad, all of this could have been avoided, if he had only used his record company for niceness instead of evil.