- Paris: A tragic waste of paper.
- Jess: I can't BELIEVE you just said that.
- Paris: Well it's true. The Beats' writing was completely self-indulgent. I have one word for Jack Kerouac: Edit.
- Jess: It was not self-indulgent, The Beats believed in shocking people, stirring things up.
- Paris: They believed in drugs, booze, and petty crime.
- Rory: Well, then you could say that they exposed you to a world that you wouldn't have otherwise known. Isn't that what great writing is all about?
- Paris: That was not great writing. It was the National Enquirer of the 50's.
- Jess: You're cracked.
- Paris: Typical guy response. Worship Kerouac and Bukowski, God forbid you pick up anything by Jane Austen.
- Jess: Hey, I've read Jane Austen.
- Paris: You have?
- Jess: Yeah, and I think she would have liked Bukowski.
- Paris: What are you doing?
- Jess: Salt and pepper dip, only way to eat a fry.
- Paris: Really?
- Rory: It's fast food gospel.
- Paris: Mmmm. That's good. That's really, really good.
- Jess: [Phone rings, and Rory leaves to answer it] Do you like hot sauce?
- Paris: I don't know, should I?
- Jess: I think it's wise.
- Emily Gilmore: That's a pretty color. What is that?
- Lorelai Gilmore: It's called Vicious Trollop.
- Emily Gilmore: Oh, stop it.
- [Lorelai holds up the lipstick tube for Emily's inspection]
- Emily Gilmore: Now why would you name a lipstick something like that?
- Lorelai Gilmore: 'Cause Dirty Whore was taken?
- Emily Gilmore: You frighten me.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Wanna try some?
- Emily Gilmore: No, thank you!
- Lorelai Gilmore: Come on, Mom, try it.
- Emily Gilmore: It won't look good on me.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Sure it will!
- Emily Gilmore: Well, all right. But if I look ridiculous...
- Lorelai Gilmore: I'll be the first one to point it out.
- [chanting]
- Lorelai Gilmore: You're a Vicious Trollop, you're a Vicious Trollop...
- Emily Gilmore: Lorelai.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Sorry.
- Jess: Okay, well give him my best, would you?
- [sees Dean on the front lawn]
- Jess: Actually, I guess I could do that myself.
- Rory: Dean, Jess just came by to bring me some food.
- Jess: From Luke's.
- Rory: He wanted to make sure I ate.
- Jess: Luke did.
- Rory: Right, Luke did.
- Jess: Personally, I could care less if she eats.
- Rory: Yeah true, He could care less.
- Jess: I see you brought a little something, too. Is that ice cream? That's so nice. A tiny little ice cream package just big enough for two. Hey are you guys gonna feed each other? 'cause that's just so darn cute.
- [Dean steps onto the porch, looking down at Jess]
- Jess: Oops, you're doing that towering over-me-thing. Huh. I tell you, you've really got that down. It helps that your 12 feet tall. But this whole Frankenstein scowl thing really adds to the whole...
- Rory: Jess!
- Jess: Okay, I'm going.
- [to Dean]
- Jess: Look man, I really was just dropping off some food, so don't go all West Side Story on me, okay?
- Rory: [Jess leaves] So do you want to
- [Dean heads inside]
- Rory: come in?
- Paris: I'm not allowed to have Mac & Cheese.
- Rory: Splurge. Come on Paris, stay.
- Paris: Do you have a 24-hour pharmacy just in case I have an allergic reaction to something?
- Rory: Believe it or not, we do.
- Paris: Okay. Can I borrow your phone?
- Rory: It's by the door.
- [Paris leaves the room to call her nanny]
- Jess: Interesting.
- Rory: What is?
- Jess: You think we need a chaperone.
- Rory: No, I don't.
- Jess: You just invited one.
- Rory: Just being polite. Paris is alone tonight and you yourself just said we have enough good for six.
- Jess: With me, it's down to four.
- Rory: With Paris around, it's down to two.
- Jess: Works out well.
- Rory: I think so.
- [Paris talks to her nanny excitedly about Mac & Cheese]
- Jess: Delivery.
- Rory: What are you doing here?
- Jess: Well, Luke figured since you're alone tonight, thought maybe you wouldn't have any food in the house. So he sent over a care package.
- Rory: I don't need a care package. I ordered food from Sandeep's.
- Jess: Really? Planning on burning down the house afterwards?
- Rory: Jess...
- Jess: The only way to kill the smell. Where should I put this? Kitchen?
- Rory: Um, sure.
- Rory: [cut to kitchen] God, how much food is in there? This could feed twelve!
- Jess: Excuse me, I've seen you eat.
- Rory: Fine, six.
- Emily Gilmore: Why can't we have what you and Rory have?
- Lorelai Gilmore: Rory and I are different, Mom.
- Emily Gilmore: We're mother and daughter. You're mother and daughter. It shouldn't be different.
- Lorelai Gilmore: It's completely different. It couldn't be more different.
- Emily Gilmore: But why?
- Lorelai Gilmore: I grew up in a different environment.
- Emily Gilmore: You mean an oppressive environment.
- Lorelai Gilmore: No, Mom, I mean a different environment. And plus, I was so young when I had Rory.
- Emily Gilmore: So because I waited until I was grown and married I can't have a relationship with my daughter?
- Lorelai Gilmore: No.
- Emily Gilmore: Well, then why?
- Lorelai Gilmore: Rory and I are best friends, Mom. We're best friends first and mother and daughter second. And you and I are mother and daughter always.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Mom, you signed us up for a couple's massage.
- Emily Gilmore: So?
- Lorelai Gilmore: A couple's massage is for a COUPLE, not a couple of people.
- Emily Gilmore: We intend to leave here completely different people.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Yes, I'm going to be Ted Nugent.