The Golden Girls (TV Series)

Great Expectations (1990)

Bea Arthur: Dorothy Zbornak

Quotes 

• Rose Nylund : Did I ever tell you about my cousin, Vicdor Friggin'? He tried to go it alone in a three-legged race. Well, you know, what happened to him?

  Dorothy Zbornak : Please! Please Rose! I don't want to hear about your friggin' cousin.

• Sophia Petrillo : Picture it. Sicily, 1912. A beautiful, young peasant girl with clear, olive skin meets an exciting but penniless Spanish artist. There's an instant attraction. They laugh, they sing. They slam down a few boilermakers. Shortly afterwards, he's arrested for showing her how he can hold his palette without using his hands. But I digress. He paints her portrait and they make passionate love. She spends much of the next day in the shower with a loofah sponge, scrubbing his fingerprints off her body. She sees the portrait and is insulted. It looks nothing like her. And she storms out of his life forever. That peasant girl was me and that painter was Pablo Picasso.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Ma, I have a feeling you're lying.

  Sophia Petrillo : Be positive, Dorothy.

  Dorothy Zbornak : OK, I'm positive you're lying.

• Blanche Devereaux : [Blanche comes into the kitchen, wearing a Western outfit and an empty holster]  Oh, Dorothy, by any chance, did you borrow my pearl-handled six-shooter?

  Dorothy Zbornak : Blanche, you look ridiculous.

  Blanche Devereaux : Well, I do not! I'm a cowgirl. Yippe-i-o, K-Y.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Ki-yay.

  Blanche Devereaux : Oh, well, whatever. Have you seen my gun?

  Dorothy Zbornak : No.

  Blanche Devereaux : Well, damn. What's the point of wearin' this if I've got nothin' to put in it?

  Sophia Petrillo : I say the same thing every morning when I put on my bra.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Blanche, why are you dressed like that?

  Blanche Devereaux : Because I am goin' to an authentic, Texas-style barbecue, and my date is a real-live cowboy.

  Dorothy Zbornak : [astonished]  Morty Fishbein is a real-live cowboy?

  Blanche Devereaux : He's from Amarillo, Texas. He was the grand marshal of the B'nai B'rith rodeo for three years straight. Who better to go with to a barbecue?

  Blanche Devereaux : [the 'phone rings, Blanche answers]  Hello? Morty... threw your back out puttin' your boots on? You're in traction? Oh, I guess this means you're gonna be a little late? Oh, all right.

  Blanche Devereaux : [she hangs up]  Well, can you believe that? Because of one little slipped disc, Morty is not takin' me to the barbecue.

  Dorothy Zbornak : What a shame. You'll miss the foot-stomping version of "Sunrise, Sunset".

• Dorothy Zbornak : [Blanche shares her delight that she's going out with old boyfriend Steven]  That's nice. Maybe I should look up one of my old flames.

  Sophia Petrillo : Yeah, but not Stan. The other one.