- Miles: [despite being in the witness protection program, Miles comes back to visit Rose dressed for his new identity as an Amish farmer, and the girls at first mistake him for a rabbi] It's really me. I was hoping to play a trick on you.
- Sophia Petrillo: Silly rabbi, tricks are for kids!
- Dorothy Zbornak: [Blanche asks Dorothy to help check her Southern lineage papers] Uh-oh...
- Blanche Devereaux: What?
- Dorothy Zbornak: Well, I hate telling you this, Blanche... no, that's not true. I look forward to telling you this, Blanche. The woman your great-grandfather married was born, well, outside of Georgia.
- Blanche Devereaux: How far outside of Georgia?
- Dorothy Zbornak: Buffalo. You're a Yankee, Blanche!
- Blanche Devereaux: No, this can't be.
- Dorothy Zbornak: [enjoying this to the fullest] A Yankee Doodle!
- Blanche Devereaux: [panicking] There must be some mistake.
- Dorothy Zbornak: You are that Yankee Doodle gal.
- Blanche Devereaux: Let me see the certificate. I want to see with my own eyes that my great-grandmother was... that thing you said.
- Dorothy Zbornak: A Yankee.
- Blanche Devereaux: Right.
- Dorothy Zbornak: A Yankee Doodle.
- Blanche Devereaux: Oh, stop it.
- Blanche Devereaux: [she carefully inspects the document] Oh, my God!
- Dorothy Zbornak: Oh, did I mention, her name was Feldman?
- Karl: All right, all you gals are gonna get locked up in a closet, and us boys are going for a little walk.
- Sophia Petrillo: Wow! Were you ever activities director of a place called Shady Pines?
- Rose Nylund: Oh, Carl is quite a guy. Lately I've been dreaming about him at night, not Miles! Although, I do have one dream that both Carl and Miles are in.
- Blanche Devereaux: [sensually] Oh!
- [long pause]
- Blanche Devereaux: And?
- Rose Nylund: Okay. And Captain Kangaroo!
- Blanche Devereaux: Ahhh, I remember growin' up in Atlanta, how all of us girls used to pretend to be Confederate belles and we'd receive gentleman callers. Got to be like a competition. In fact, I once received seven callers in one evening.
- Dorothy Zbornak: I'm just thinking out loud, but isn't Atlanta where the Center for Disease Control is?
- Blanche Devereaux: Coincidence.
- Barbara Weston: I should tell you there's been some complaints from the neighbors about the noise at night.
- Blanche Devereaux: Which neighbors?
- Barbara Weston: Well, me.
- Blanche Devereaux: Which noise?
- Barbara Weston: Well, you.
- Blanche Devereaux: Well, get earmuffs. I pay my taxes.
- Karl: What do you say we go away for the weekend?
- Rose Nylund: Karl, I'm not sure I'm ready to.
- Karl: It's because of this Miles guy, right? Look, Rose, I don't want to push you, but I just wish I knew what I was up against. I mean, who is this guy? What did he do? Where is he now?
- Rose Nylund: Oh, I wish I could tell you, but I really don't know anything about him any more. When I knew him, he was a professor at a college.
- Karl: That's hard to believe.
- Rose Nylund: Well, it's one of the few places they have professors.
- Karl: [flustered at being misunderstood] No, yeah, no, I know that. I meant, I can't believe he left someone like you.
- Rose Nylund: He left someone else like me?
- Karl: No, I mean you. That he left *you*.
- Rose Nylund: Oh. Okay.
- Karl: I should be more clear.
- Rose Nylund: That'd be great!
- Blanche Devereaux: [after being refused entry into the D.O.S] Those small-minded peckerwoods aren't real Southerners.
- Dorothy Zbornak: [trying to distract Karl] You can't come into this house waving that gun around. Although it is a very nice one. What is this, a Colt?
- Dorothy Zbornak: [watching the entertainment during the banquet] It's hard to believe you couldn't get federal funding for this.
- Blanche Devereaux: I'm just as Southern as the fruit of a scuppernong arbor growing proudly by the lazy Mississippi.