- Mr. Stonehurst: Somebody's getting mugged on the 14th floor!
- JJ: You lucky the mugger was busy, otherwise, you'd a been the muggee.
- James: [Mr Stonehurst needs to take some aspirin] Say, how about washing them down with a little muscatel?
- Mr. Stonehurst: Muscatel?
- J.J.: Yeah, that's the champagne of the people. It don't sparkle, it don't bubble. It just kind of... lays there.
- James Evans, Sr.: [reading the apartment thermometer] Ooh wee, baby, it's down to 55!
- Florida Evans: Feels like 40.
- James Evans, Sr.: [hugging Florida] Hey, I sure am glad I got me an ample woman to sleep with tonight.
- Florida Evans: Speaking of ample, I bet you sorry you didn't marry Emeline Watson.
- James Evans, Sr.: Emeline Watson... how you remember Emeline Watson?
- Florida Evans: How can you forget Emeline Watson, she weighed 300 pounds!
- Thelma Evans: Daddy, you used to go out with a lady that weighed 300 pounds?
- James Evans, Sr.: Yeah, but I only went out with her one time. See, I was courting your mother so I had this friend of mine set me up with a heavy date to make her jealous. Lord knows, I didn't know the date was gonna be THAT heavy.