- Oliver Douglas: They must think I'm some kind of a nut, trying to get me to believe that Arnold could possibly write a note like...
- Lisa Douglas: Well, it's his handwriting.
- Oliver Douglas: Oh, come on!
- Oliver Douglas: Mr. Haney, I'm warning you. I'm about fed up with your tricky merchandizing methods. You're going to go too far one of these days, and I'm going to help nail you.
- Mr. Haney: Care to buy a hammer?
- [produces a hammer from his pocket]
- Oliver Douglas: Mr. Haney, that pile of junk isn't worth $8.
- Mr. Haney: To the unappraisable eye, yes. I had each and every one of these objects de art evaluated by an in-unpeachable source: the county tax assessor, or as we sometimes call him, Cousin Joe.
- Oliver Douglas: [Lisa proclaims it's "a week later"] I know it's a week later. You don't have to march in here and announce that.
- Lisa Douglas: Well, that's how they always do it in the movies. It's either somebody comes in carrying a sign which says, "Here it is a week later." Or a calendar falls apart for a week. Or somebody comes out and says, "That week sure went by fast."