- Eb Dawson: Mr. Douglas, you wouldn't be needing a hired hand, would you?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: No, no, I'm planning on farming this place myself.
- Eb Dawson: You ever done any farming?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [proudly] Oh, a little.
- Lisa Douglas: Dahling, don't be so modest. My husband had the biggest squash on Park Avenue!
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [demanding his sinks and tub be returned by Haney] If they were in the house when I bought it, they belong to me!
- Eustace Charleton Haney: Did you read your bill of sale?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: I did!
- Eustace Charleton Haney: All it said was I sold you A house, and that's what you got. A house.
- Mister Peters: Mr. Douglas was worried about crows.
- Horace Bennett: He should have been worried about squirrels, they'd probably bury a nut like him.
- Mrs. Bennett: Horace!