- Mr. Roy Trendell: [informing Oliver that his mother has quit as operator] She wouldn't work for him after he stole the company from me.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: What are you talking about? I didn't steal the company from you. You-you-you gave it to me!
- Mr. Roy Trendell: That's not Mom's version. She's going around telling everybody how you got me drunk, lured me into a poker game and won the company from me with a marked deck!
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: What?
- Lisa Douglas: That's the way he won me from the count. Only that time he did it with loaded dice.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Lisa, would you go over to Drucker's and get a broom and some dust cloths.
- Lisa Douglas: Did you ever run for dictator of anything?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Go!
- Lisa Douglas: [reading an incomplete sign on the Hotterville Telephone Company windo] 'Ervice is ur mott.' Do you know what that means in Hungarian? It means that the customer is chopped liver.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: It's supposed to read 'Service is our motto.'
- Lisa Douglas: Oh? Do you know what that means in Hungarian?
- [Oliver walks to the door]
- Lisa Douglas: Don't you want to know it? It's very sexy. People only say it to each other.
- Hank Kimball: [Kimball's hand is caught in a trap] Boy, these rhinoceros traps really work, huh?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Rhinoceros?
- Hank Kimball: Yeah. See, right there.
- [reading the lettering on the trap]
- Hank Kimball: Rhinoceros brand traps. Now there's their motto right there, heh. 'A Rhinoceros trap really grabs ya'. The motto was written by the same person who wrote the motto on the window 'Ervice is ur mott'.
- [slyly]
- Hank Kimball: Know what that means in Portuguese?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: I haven't the slightest idea.
- Hank Kimball: Right! I didn't know you understood Portuguese.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Eh, did you fix the switchboard?
- Mr. McGurney: Well you see, I don't know much about switchboards, I'm an electrician. Well, that is I'm a part-time electrician, I'm really a taxidermist but this is my slack season.