- Tom Blackwell: [giving Lisa driving lessons] Do you know what these are?
- [points to the gear shift]
- Tom Blackwell: P-R-N-D-L.
- Lisa Douglas: Oh yes. that's a pernundel. My husband has a pernundel on his car, too.
- Lisa Douglas: The most important thing is to marry a man who loves you. Because if he loves you, you can get away with murder. Now I don't know how to cook, but Mr. Douglas loves me, and I have more diamonds than any of my friends. who are better cooks than I am. Also emeralds.
- Mister Dillman: Now, today we are going to examine the Austro-Hungarian monarchy.
- Lisa Douglas: [stands up] I can help you with that, because I come from Hungary. Most people don't know that, because I don't speak with an accident anymore.
- Oliver Douglas: Lisa! When are you going to learn how to cook right?
- Lisa Douglas: Stop yelling!
- Oliver Douglas: I have a right to yell! This...
- Lisa Douglas: One morning you don't get your hotcakes and you turn into be a beast.
- Oliver Douglas: That's not true, I'm more of a beast when I get them!
- Oliver Douglas: Lisa, we're not going to smooch, we're gonna talk about school.
- Lisa Douglas: Oh. It's father-son time.
- Oliver Douglas: It's husband-wife time.
- Lisa Douglas: Then we are going to smooch.
- [throws her arms around him]