- Hank Kimball: Well, as Benjamin Franklin once said: "Being sorry is the first step towards the retreat of the individual's immortality."
- Hank Kimball: Let's start from the beginning... well, not the beginning, uh, let's try, uh, 1789 - that was the year that Betsy Ross made the first pair of overalls.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Betsy Ross made the first flag.
- Hank Kimball: That's right - "Flag" overalls. That was her brand. You could buy 'em all over the country. Well, before long all of the farmers along the East Coast were wearing Betsy's Flag brand overalls, except Florida, which was then known as "Lower New Jersey."
- Eb Dawson: [pleased with his freshly ironed shirt, Oliver kisses Lisa passionately] How come you're kissing her when I'm the one that ironed them?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: I thought you ironed them?
- Lisa Douglas: Well you saw the ironing board, then you jumped on the wrong concussion.
- Eb Dawson: She means 'the wrong concession'.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Not concession, confusion. eh... conclusion.
- [rolls his eyes]
- Eb Dawson: Wait 'till I tell the other hired hands that I work for a man that's got twelve suits, three dozen shirts and... how many pairs of shoes did you say?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Eight.
- Eb Dawson: Gee, all I got is one suit, one shirt and one shoe.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: That's all you - one shoe?
- Eb Dawson: You never noticed, huh? That's because I wear it on a different foot every day.
- Sam Drucker: [trying to sell brand new overalls] Fred, these come with a life time guarantee. Or four years, whichever comes first.
- Sam Drucker: Haney, don't' sell you cheap overalls in my store!
- Mr. Haney: You see, even Sam admits that they're priced reasonable.
- Lisa Douglas: [Lisa is feeding the chickens] Chloë, why do you always have to play the piano at lunch time?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [to Alf and Ralph] Look, I don't need you two to give me howdy doody lessons, I told you a month ago to fix that door!
- Lisa Douglas: How do you like Oliver's overalls?
- Floyd Smoot: Wow. Italian silk!
- Newt Kiley: Real fur!
- Charley Pratt: Gold buttons, with 'Beat Princeton' writ on 'em.
- Floyd Smoot: I reckon we know when we're being funned at.
- Fred Ziffel: Yeah, looks like the war is on again.