- Sean: Like, he said, "Oh, my God! Did you say 'glis'?". And they're all like, "We all heard you say 'glis'" and, uh, I'm like, what the hell happened with my credit card?
- Claudia Finnerty: [to Sean] Dad is gonna freak when he sees his car.
- Sean: Okay. We'll deal with that later. Right now, I'm gonna get on the phone and give that credit card company a piece of my mind.
- Claudia Finnerty: T-th-that car reeks!
- Sean: Yeah. My dad works in a dump. If he had a sense of smell, he'd be dead by now.
- Sean: [while on the phone] There's no reason my card should have been rejected, okay? My mother's maiden name? O'Malley. Yeah. See, I was taking my son to his birthday party, and... O'Malley. "O" as in outraged, "M" as in mad as hell, -alley!
- Sean: [to Eddie] Why are you still in my house?
- Eddie Finnerty: Why are you so suspicious?
- Sean: Why are you answering my questions with questions?
- Eddie Finnerty: Why does that concern you?
- Sean: [to Eddie] What's this?
- Eddie Finnerty: It's a box.
- Sean: What's in the box?
- Eddie Finnerty: Oh, it's cool.
- Sean: "It's cool" is not an answer, okay? "It's cool" doesn't tell me what's in the box.
- Eddie Finnerty: Yes, it does. It tells you it's cool.
- Sean: Is it illegal?
- Eddie Finnerty: Mm, no, not everywhere.
- Sean: Can it explode and kill my entire family?
- Eddie Finnerty: I can personally guarantee you that it will not.
- [Sean shakes the box]
- Eddie Finnerty: Whoa! whoa! That's not smart.
- Sean: [while on the phone] Excuse me, Rochelle? Yeah. Yeah. No. No, um, you see, I do not want to give you my account number, okay? And I shall tell you why: because I've already punched it in three times and I've given it to four different people, including a Beth, a Julio and a guy who was really rude to me named Kevin, okay? And I think I speak for all Americans when I say we're sick of calling something up and then keying in a number and then getting a voice and them asking us immediately what the number was that we keyed in before! And then they transfer us to someone else and then they ask us what the number was and then all of a sudden they cut you off and you have to call back and start from the start, all right? So, why don't you people just get a piece of paper, you've heard of that, and a pen and write the damn numbers down! 'Cause I'm sick of it! Yes! Yes, I would like to speak to a supervisor, thank you.
- Claudia Finnerty: Lil, you're killing me!
- Lily Finnerty: I'm sorry. You know, I... I read somewhere that compulsive shopping is a disease.
- Sean: A disease. No, no, no. Cholera is a disease, okay? Shopping is what a 16-year-old girl does who wants to look cute for the boys when somebody gives her a credit card.
- Lily Finnerty: Well, no harm done. I'm going to go over to Dean's house.
- Claudia Finnerty: Okay. Great. Cool. Before you go, you're gonna scrub all the puke out of the back of your grandfather's car.
- Lily Finnerty: What? No! No! No! No! No! Then I'll smell like puke!
- Claudia Finnerty: You know what? I don't give a glis.
- Claudia Finnerty: [to Sean, who's been on the phone with customer service for hours] Sean, it was Lily. Lily used the card.
- Sean: [Into the phone] Oh, yeah, there's a problem! You see, I thought I set my wallet down and now I can't... Oh, there it is.
- [Hangs up the phone]
- Jimmy Finnerty: Hey, Mom! Haven't these candy canes hung on our Christmas tree since I was, like, five?
- Claudia Finnerty: Yes, and I've been saving them for a very special occasion for you to eat them.
- Henry Finnerty: Hey! They bend!