- Hogan talks Klink into building an officers' club, whereby a boat can be built to sail away with an escaped British POW and the German gunsight he snagged while escaping.
- The Germans seek an escaped prisoner named Michaels, who also happens to have made off with a truck carrying a German gunsight. It falls on Hogan and his men to get Michaels and the gunsight to England. To accomplish this, Hogan convinces Klink he is fatigued and should have an Officer's Club to relax in. The ploy works and they begin to build it but are actually building a boat with the plan of sailing Michaels out.—tomtrekp
- At the start, Hogan and LeBeau are walking through bushes to a road. They are caught by Schultz; LeBeau runs off and comes back. LeBeau says that a truck is coming. The truck comes to a certain location and stops. Captain Michaels comes up, and says that supplies are in back. Hogan, LeBeau, and Michaels go back to camp; Hogan tells Schultz to hide the truck.
In Klink's office, Klink talks to Hogan with Schultz there. Klink refers to 'Captain Michaels', a prisoner at STALAG 5. Klink wants to keep the prisoners busy. Hogan says that the men are kept busy, Schultz agrees. Klink says that Michaels vanished, truck and all. He says that Michaels is in this vicinity, and puts Schultz in charge of finding the truck.
Back in the barracks, Hogan gets a radio message from London. They are to pick up Michaels and 'item'. They can't use the submarine, as there are too many guards outside searching for Michaels. Hogan has an idea.
Hogan goes to Klink's office; he talks to Helga in the outer office. Helga knocks on Klink's door and lets Hogan in. Hogan goes to a standing cabinet with a decanter on top, and gives Klink some schnapps, telling Klink that he looks tired. Klink has been supervising the search for Michaels around the clock. Hogan tells Klink that he has combat fatigue. He tells Klink that they have an officers' club at STALAG 5, and convinces Klink to have one at STALAG 13. Hogan has a design in mind, his decor man is LeBeau.
A few days later, outside, LeBeau is telling the Germans what to do regarding building the 'officers club', which is actually a boat. Schultz asks why they are building a boat, and asks Hogan how to get it out of camp. Klink comes up and starts talking; he orders an officers' club, and gets a boat; he says that they are 60 miles from the North Sea. Hogan butters up Klink regarding the boat.
Kinchloe gets a message on the radio saying that the weather for the week will be bad. The boat has to leave tonight. Klink wants to give a party tomorrow.
Klink goes into his office wearing a yacht club smoking jacket and a captain's hat. He asks Helga how she likes it, and she has 'no words' for it. Klink sings to Helga, but she does not like it. Klink kisses her hand; she tells him that he is really dreaming.
Klink talks to Hogan about the party. Hogan needs Klink's approval to load the boat with caviar and champagne. Klink says it is hard to think of Hogan as the enemy. Hogan gives a reference to General Burkhalter; Klink says that he did not invite Burkhalter. Hogan talks him into inviting Burkhalter. Klink has Helga make a phone call.
Later, Carter goes to Klink's office. He was at STALAG 5 with Kommandant Vogel. He said that Vogel had an officers' club, but Burkhalter said that it was too fancy. Carter has a hard time pronouncing 'Burhhalter', and stumbles 3 times. Klink's officers' club is fancier than Vogel's. Klink decides that he does not want the boat as an officers' club. Klink leaves the office, leaving Carter alone in the office; Carter tries on Klink's pickelhelb helmet. It fits.
Klink goes outside to the boat and talks with Hogan; he wants the ship demolished. LeBeau suggests a fire, but Klink says no. Klink tells Hogan to get rid of the boat. Newkirk asks some questions; Hogan asks Newkirk if someone told him that he makes great officer material; Newkirk is insulted. Klink asks if the boat is seaworthy; Hogan says that it had better be. Klink says to move the boat to water.
Klink brings 10 guards and Sergeant Kristman to get Hogan to move the boat. Hogan wants to get a life raft in there first. Two men of the German squad try to lift it, but can't. Then the whole squad lifts the raft into the boat. Michaels is in the life raft, which makes it so heavy; but the Germans do not know that. Hogan hooks the trailer that the boat is on to a truck. Hogan gets in the truck and starts it. Klink does not want Hogan driving the truck, as he thinks this is an escape attempt, so he orders Hogan out of the truck. He orders Kristman to take the boat to water. One guard gets in the truck and starts towing the boat away at a walking pace; other guards are walking beside the boat, similar to an honor guard escort. They take the boat out the gate.
At the end, coming out of Klink's office, Burkhalter thanks Klink for a dinner of stale sauerbrauten. Burkhalter gets in his car and leaves. Hogan comes into camp driving a truck; he says that this is the one that Michaels stole. Klink tells Schultz to get the dogs to the special detail; he says that Michaels is out there waiting for Klink to capture him.
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