Hogan's Heroes (TV Series)

Clearance Sale at the Black Market (1968)

Werner Klemperer: Col. Klink

Quotes 

• Col. Klink : Major Kiegel, I don't understand. What has the Gestapo got to do with Luftwaffe personnel?

  Major Kiegel : Colonel... Berlin has issued a new directive. Our orders are to find men of the home front and see that they are transferred to active duty in combat unit.

  Col. Klink : Transferred to combat units? That's another way of saying "Eastern Front."

  Major Kiegel : So it is.

  Col. Klink : But why the Gestapo? That's outrageous!

  Major Kiegel : You think so, do you?

  Col. Klink : I intend to appeal this to the high command. Even to the Fuhrer if necessary!

  Major Kiegel : Colonel! The Fuhrer does not even know you are alive! You may... not be...

  Col. Klink : I'm beginning to see what you're driving at.

  Major Kiegel : That is better.

  Col. Klink : But, uh, you're wasting you're time, sir. My men are not exactly what you would call front-line fighting caliber.

  Major Kiegel : How do you classify them?

  Col. Klink : Well, uh... they're the dregs.

  Major Kiegel : Really?

  Col. Klink : But the finest dregs in all of Germany!

  Major Kiegel : You seem to manage.

  Col. Klink : [slams his hand against the desk]  I can assure you, Major Kiegel, that it is my spirit, my iron will that has made this the most secure camp in all of Germany! I could run this place single-handed if I wanted to, and I...

  [Kiegel looks at Klink] 

  Col. Klink : You want to see a roster of the men?

  Major Kiegel : I already have it.

  Col. Klink : Oh, I always said you are a marvelously efficient officer.

  Major Kiegel : Thank you. Now, there is a great shortage of non-commissioned officers on our fighting front. What about this Sergeant Schultz? Has he started?

  Col. Klink : Him? In a combat unit?

  [laughs] 

  Col. Klink : He couldn't fight his way out of Kindergarten.

  Major Kiegel : He IS a Sergeant?

  Col. Klink : Yes. He's also a big, fat tub of jelly! Impossible!

  Major Kiegel : The Russian Front is not a beauty contest!

  Col. Klink : Yes, but Sergeant Schultz...

  Major Kiegel : Even Colonels who wear monocles are needed!

  Col. Klink : But that's another matter. I... What would they be doing there?

  [Major Kiegel glares at Klink] 

  Col. Klink : I think Sergeant Schultz is a marvelous choice.

• Col. Klink : You're not exactly what I would call a perfect physical specimen.

  Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : Now you're on the right track.

  Col. Klink : You have something much more important than physical perfection. You have a fighting spirit.

  Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : I'll get rid of it.

  Col. Klink : In these times, my boy, a man in uniform has two choices. Either he fights, or he's called a coward.

  Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : I'd rather be a coward.