The aristocratic Colonel Klink fails a routine physical exam and lands a combat assignment at the Russian front! Fearing a hard-line replacement at Stalag 13, the men must do all they can to... Read allThe aristocratic Colonel Klink fails a routine physical exam and lands a combat assignment at the Russian front! Fearing a hard-line replacement at Stalag 13, the men must do all they can to rescind Klink's marching papers.The aristocratic Colonel Klink fails a routine physical exam and lands a combat assignment at the Russian front! Fearing a hard-line replacement at Stalag 13, the men must do all they can to rescind Klink's marching papers.
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- TriviaAt the Stalag 13 change of command ceremony, one of the POWs, actor Roy Goldman, finally speaks. To the incoming officer in charge, he exclaims, "Attaboy, Fritz Baby!" He is, however, still uncredited as always.
- GoofsIn the 2nd scene, the men are trying to get a chicken to lay an egg and Hogan even orders it to lay an egg. Eventually it does lay an egg. The chicken is a rooster, so it would not lay any eggs.
- Quotes
Colonel Bessler: You seem to have a very efficient operation here, Klink.
Col. Klink: Danke dir, Colonel. I have worked very hard to make Stalag 13 the toughest POW camp in all of Germany. And believe me, it's not easy. My burdens have been heavy. Problems, sleepless nights...
Kinchloe: [listening in on the conversation in the barracks, sarcastically] Nice snow job.
Col. Hogan: Snow job? It's a blizzard.
Col. Klink: When I was transferred here, I was with the 410th Bomber Group.
Colonel Bessler: Yes, I know.
Col. Klink: Ah, here, let me show you a picture of my old outfit.
[takes a picture down from his wall and shows it to Colonel Bessler]
Col. Klink: And there we are. That's me in the middle.
Colonel Bessler: Oh, real comrades, all of you. I can see that.
Col. Klink: Yeah, yeah. Ah, I was sad at the thought of being grounded, but, uh, as I said, "Beauty to the hottest. The Fuhrer commands. I serve."
Colonel Bessler: You prefer combat assignment, then?
Col. Klink: [clears his throat] My dear Colonel, when I was with the 410th, they called me "The Iron Eagle".
Colonel Bessler: Oh.
Col. Klink: Ah, yes. The Iron Eagle. Up there in the wild blue yonder. At the control of my plane, zooming through the enemy. Of course, uh, now the Iron Eagle flies at somewhat lower altitudes.
Colonel Bessler: I'm very glad you feel the way you do. Actually, I'm here on what you might call a recruiting mission for the Russian Front. We need manpower.
Col. Hogan: Watch out, Klink. He's setting you up.
Col. Klink: Colonel Bessler, I should be very happy to transfer any of my men that you may need, but, uh, I'm afraid they're not all front-line quality like myself.
Col. Hogan: It's not them he wants, dummy, it's you!
Kinchloe: Lay him up, will you?
Colonel Bessler: Colonel, the Russian Front needs officers. Experienced leaders.
Col. Klink: I understand, sir. How I wish I could go. I'd show those Russkis a thing or two.
Colonel Bessler: You can go, Colonel.
Col. Klink: I've got a few tricks up my sleeve. I... I can go?
Col. Hogan: Tell me when it's over.
Colonel Bessler: We need you.
Col. Klink: Well, uh, frankly, my flying tricks are a little out of date.
Colonel Bessler: They'll soon brief you in the newer techniques. Now, a flight surgeon will be sent here next week to give you your physical examination.
Col. Klink: I haven't been too well lately.
Colonel Bessler: If you pass, and you're fit, off you go!
Col. Klink: But what about my work here at Stalag 13?
Colonel Bessler: No problem. They'll assign another officer. Congratulations, Colonel. Your request for combat duty is very commendable.
Col. Klink: My request?
As Hogan and his men listen in on their electronic bug in Klink's office, the oblivious colonel prattles on to Colonel Bessler (Sandy Kenyon), a visiting Luftwaffe personnel officer, about his military record, particularly his early career as a bomber pilot. Of course, everyone except Klink can tell that Bessler is there only to recruit him for combat action against the Soviet Union. Sure enough, Bessler schedules a physical examination for Klink, which, if he passes it, will put him on the express train to the land of borscht, vodka, and frozen misery battling the Russian bear.
The hijinks that follow try to weaken Klink's physical state so he'll fail the exam, which he does--but given the desperate need for bodies, the doctor (George Tyne) deems him fit for combat because, well, he's still breathing. Talk about a low bar. And, indeed, General Burkhalter's replacement for Klink, Captain Fritz Gruber (Dick Wilson), is a martinet who knows what he's doing. Can the Heroes manage to prevent Klink's departure to save their covert operations?
Laurence Marks was such a talented writer that he seemingly couldn't produce a poor script, but this is one of his that lacks inspiration, assembling standard vignettes into a serviceable story that is little more beyond a humorous spotlight on Werner Klemperer, the secret star of "Hogan's Heroes" whose talents kept his fatuous Klink from being a complete caricature while eliciting a measure of empathy for a character whose very construction, a Luftwaffe officer in Nazi Germany, practically demands dislike. In that respect, "Don't Forget to Write" is a mash note to Klink, but it doesn't warrant a reply.
- darryl-tahirali
- Mar 22, 2022