- Col. Robert E. Hogan: I've got a present for you from Carter. He's made you an honorary Chief of the Sioux tribe.
- [He gives Schultz a feather headdress]
- Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: [Very excitedly] It's Bee-yoo-ti-ful!
- [He puts it on and looks in a mirror]
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: He's also given you a new name, Schultz. You are now Big Chief Running Bear Who Goes Swift And Sure To Beer Garden.
- [Klink enters the room]
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Outraged] Or, you could be Big Fat Schultz Who Goes Swift And Sure To The Russian Front!
- Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: He took my feather.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: I'd say we scalp him but somebody beat us to it.