Hogan's Heroes (TV Series)
Hogan Gives a Birthday Party (1966)
Bob Crane: Col. Hogan
Photos
Quotes
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Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : Uh, Colonel Hogan! I'm too old to parachute jump!
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Never too old, Schultz! Come on!
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : Colonel Hogan! I'm too BIG to parachute jump!
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Now THERE you have a point.
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Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : But, uh, I'm pleased to announce that everything here is in order. By my count, all are present - even two over.
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Good.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : [suddenly realizing] Colonel Hogan - two over!
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Col. Robert E. Hogan : You just given me the whole operation: Have the Germans blow up their own refinery.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : Colonel Hogan, please, I know nothing about it! I only know that these two men MUST BE REPORTED!
Col. Robert E. Hogan : All right, Schultz, have it your way, but when that refinery is blown up and it comes out to have been your idea...
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : I know NOTHING!
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[Colonel Klink prepares tests to prove the superiority of German fliers]
Col. Robert E. Hogan : But, Colonel Klink, this is a German instrument panel. It's an unfair test. Naturally the German pilots are gonna look better.
Col. Wilhelm Klink : Naturally.
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Ya mean...
Col. Wilhelm Klink : The aim of a research project, my dear Hogan, is not to discover new facts. We already know the Luftwaffe personnel are superior. Here we are merely furnishing scientific proof
Col. Robert E. Hogan : And, surely, we'll get a chance to get acquainted with this.
Col. Wilhelm Klink : When you take the test, it'll be plenty of time.
Col. Robert E. Hogan : You know, every time I come face to face with this cruel German cunning, I always wonder why MY side is winning.
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Sgt. Andrew Carter : [wheeling in a new bomb] It's a modification of the German design, but I think I've made a few improvements.
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Three more of these things ready by tomorrow night?
Sgt. Andrew Carter : Oh, sure. Uh, Colonel, there's no way I can be around when they go off?
Col. Robert E. Hogan : No, Carter.
Sgt. Andrew Carter : Yeah, okay.
Sgt. Andrew Carter : [to Lt. Karras] I-i-it's kind of like sendin' your own child off to war without ya.
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General Biedenbender : Uh, Klink, you HAVE, uh, planned a big celebration for tonight, haven't you?
Col. Wilhelm Klink : D'uh, celebration, yeah, uh, uh, uh... a celebre... a-a-a celebration?
General Biedenbender : For such an important birthday?
Col. Wilhelm Klink : A, b-birthday. Oh! Ah-ha-ha. Yes, of course! We've been preparing for months, Herr General. Uh... the Führer's birthday?
General Biedenbender : No, Klink. Colonel Hogan's
Col. Robert E. Hogan : [rather surprised] It IS my birthday.
General Biedenbender : [smiling] Yeah.
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General Biedenbender : I should end the mystery, Colonel Hogan. You see, I am the reason you are now here, a prisoner of war.
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Well, thanks.
General Biedenbender : Ah-ha, it's nothing. No, when the, uh, the bombing raids of the squadron you commanded shtarted to become, uh, slightly annoying to the Third Reich, I was assigned to study your tactics, Colonel, to get inside your head, so I learned everything about you - everything! - and zhen I begin to, uh, to probe, to, uh, search for a weakness.
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Loud ties.
General Biedenbender : No. No, your tactical planning, Colonel. Brilliant, yes, but at times over-elaborate; zo, I was able to predict precisely the plan of your last bombing raid on Hamberg, in... in which you were shot down, and I, ha, I was shot up, to general. A little joke, Klink.
Col. Wilhelm Klink : Ha-ha-ha.
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Well, as long as it wasn't a total loss.
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Col. Wilhelm Klink : Hogan, what is it you want?
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Whatever you're drinking.
Col. Wilhelm Klink : Hogan!
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General Biedenbender : And, Hogan... I hope I haven't spoiled your birthday party.
Col. Robert E. Hogan : You are a devil, sir.
General Biedenbender : I try.
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Col. Robert E. Hogan : Don't bother to notify the crew, Schultz. They'll meet you at the plane.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : Oh, please, Colonel Hogan, it will be worth my life.
Col. Robert E. Hogan : You're right of course, Schultz.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : I am?
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Yeah. The jig's up. This man can read my mind. I'll be a better person inside when I make a clean breast of EVERYTHING that's been goin' on around here.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : [alarmed] Oh, please, Colonel Hogan! You won't mention my name.
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Yeah, but I'll recommend leniency.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : Oh, Please, Colonel Hogan, please. The crew WILL meet me at the plane?
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Word of honor.
[Schultz sighs in relief]
Col. Robert E. Hogan : You don't care WHICH crew, do you?
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz : Oh, Colonel Hogan...!
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Col. Robert E. Hogan : Oh, General?
General Biedenbender : Hm?
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Prob'bly know what I'm gonna ask ya.
General Biedenbender : No, I do not. What?
Col. Robert E. Hogan : Don't you wanna wish me Happy Birthday?
General Biedenbender : Heh-heh, you are a devil, Hogan.
Col. Robert E. Hogan : I try.