- Berlin Betty: Colonel Klink?
- Col. Klink: Yes, I am.
- Berlin Betty: You must be Corporal Newkirk.
- [Newkirk gulps]
- Berlin Betty: [notices that Klink's coat is catching fire from Newkirk's cigar] Colonel, I believe you're on fire.
- [Klink nods]
- Newkirk: No, I am.
- Col. Klink: You're right.
- [notices that his coat is smoking]
- Col. Klink: FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
- [Newkirk throws water onto the smoking spot of Klink's coat]
- Newkirk: There, that ought to do it, sir.
- Col. Klink: Thank you so much.
- Berlin Betty: Corporal Newkirk, Dr. Goebels' most grateful for your contribution to the Third Reich, and of course, to your own country. You will be amply rewarded.
- Newkirk: Thank you, Fraulein.
- Berlin Betty: Betty?
- [looking coyly at Newkirk]
- Newkirk: Thank you, Betty. I've already written me speech. Would you like to take a look at it?
- [takes out his speech and shows it to Berlin Betty]
- Berlin Betty: Yes, I... I believe that will be most effective, but, uh, perhaps we should discuss this privately. Mm?
- Col. Klink: And I thought perhaps you might be able to use me on your broadcast. I'm told I have a fantastic voice.
- Berlin Betty: Really?
- Col. Klink: Oh, yes. In the Luftwaffe, I was always chosen to broadcast from the tower because of my, uh, resonance, my projection, and my incredible diction.
- Berlin Betty: How interesting.
- Col. Klink: [imitating calling on an airfield radio, with one hand to his ear, simulating an earpiece] Schwartz Airfield calling Messerschmitt 2... 7... 1...
- Newkirk: I haven't heard a voice like that since Eric von Stroheim.
- Berlin Betty: Now, would you mind, Colonel? I would like to discuss the Corporal's speech with him. Uh, may we use your quarters?
- Col. Klink: Why, of course! Everything is ready! Schultz!
- Newkirk: Mama Bear, this is Papa Bear. Come in, please.
- English Girl: Go ahead, Papa Bear.
- Newkirk: Would you try and locate my girlfriend for me? Her name is Rita Nottingham. She used to live in Tottenham Court Road. She's blonde, 36-24-36.
- English Girl: Sorry, we cannot use the air for personal messages.
- Newkirk: Do me a favour, you're just jealous.
- English Girl: Why should I be? I'm 38-24-36.
- Kinchloe: Some Mama Bear.
- Berlin Betty: I think of you as a very young, charming, attractive man, who doesn't want to see his countrymen killed. That is a patriot.
- Newkirk: I like that description.
- Berlin Betty: Patriot?
- Newkirk: Attractive and charming.
- Col. Hogan: There better be some changes around here, I warn you, or I'm going to organize a hunger strike.
- Newkirk: I thought we were on one.