- Col. Robert E. Hogan: [to Col. Klink] Who would want to escape from all this beauty?
- Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: [savoring the irony] All this beauty!
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Where are the two prisoners who tried to escape?
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: If you stood any closer to them, your Iron Cross would get rusty.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, you fools. Here's my reward. Thirty days in the cooler. Take them away
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Thirty days is an cruel and human unjustified punishment, to be inflicted only by a sadist.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Flattery will gain you nothing, my dear, Colonel.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Schultz, what would you say if I told you there were a couple of prisoners in that water tank, huh?
- Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Good luck to them. What would they be doing in there?
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: What's the first thing that comes to your mind?
- Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: They are thirsty?
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Now, come on, think of something crazy.
- Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: They are trying to escape?