- The Germans have stolen a gold shipment from the French and Hogan must convince Klink to have it moved to the safety of Stalag 13.
- At the start, Schultz and a German guard driver are bringing a truck in to camp. Out of the back jumps a new prisoner, Captain Martin, who was recently shot down. Klink comes out, and berates Schultz for being 2 hours late. Hogan and the men see this, and then go into the barracks. They want to listen in on the conversation. Klink takes Martin into his office.
In Klink's office, it is mentioned that Martin was captured by a farmer, turned over to the Gestapo, and assigned to STALAG 13. Schultz says that he was late because he was held up because of gold bars being shipped to Dusseldorf. There was a brief discussion of the bars being 'stolen' vs. being 'confiscated'.
Hogan and the men are listening on the coffee pot to the conversation. Hogan has heard enough and pulls the plug on the coffee pot; the men know what Klink is going to be saying next. Kinchloe impersonates Klink saying 'No one has ever escaped from STALAG 13' and a few other things. Hogan tells the men that he wants to take the gold out of circulation. Kinch pulls down a map from the side of a bunk, and Hogan looks at it. He has Kinch write up a message to send to London: Approach from the north, avoid anti-aircraft batteries, target the bank. Hogan then says that Klink will be calling for him shortly.
In Klink's office, Klink is dictating a letter to Helga, Schultz comes in and says that Hogan wants to see Klink. Hogan comes in, and asks Martin how he likes it. Before he can answer, Klink interrupts; he talks about the cooler. Hogan then picks up Martins packet, and drops it on the floor. As he picks it up, he puts a paper in it, the message that he had Kinch write up. He also takes out a one-eye kaleidoscope viewer and looks in it. Klink asks what it is. Hogan responds 'You know that picture of Washington crossing the Delaware, well this ain't it'. As he is looking in the viewer, Klink picks up Martin's packet, and reads a message (the one that Hogan put in it). Klink says that the bombing is a diversion, and there was going to be a commando drop to steal the gold. Hogan convinces Klink to call the Gestapo to offer to keep the gold at STALAG 13. Klink dismisses Hogan and Martin.
Later, Hogan and the men are cleaning the porch of Klink's office. Schultz comes by and asks what they are doing. Hogan tells Schultz that they volunteered, they want to tidy up the camp. Klink comes out and asks what is going on. Schultz tries to explain. Klink tells the men to carry on, and goes back into his office. The men keep cleaning, while whistling the Hogan's Heroes theme song. While this is going on, LeBeau is quietly sawing a cut in the brace of one of the steps.
Shortly later, the men are watching Klink's porch from in front of the barracks. Schultz walks down the steps; they do not collapse. LeBeau says that he thought he sawed it through enough. Then Klink comes out of his office, steps on a step, and they collapse. Hogan and the men go to Klink to help him up. Hogan says that termites have eaten through the steps. Carter starts telling a story about an uncle with a wooden leg, and what the termites did to that leg. Hogan interrupts him; he tells Klink that they will re-build the steps. But not with wood; the termites would just eat that through also. Hogan convinces Klink to rebuild the steps with bricks.
A van led by a motorcycle with a sidecar comes into STALAG 13.
Major Krieger, Gestapo, gets out of the sidecar. He thanks Klink for offering STALAG 13 as a site to keep the gold temporarily. Klink tells Schultz to guide the truck behind barracks 5. As it is going back there, LeBeau and Carter start stringing a clothesline, and Schultz backs into it. This stops Schultz and the truck. Newkirk throws a dart from inside the barracks into the truck tire, and the tire pops and goes flat. Krieger wants the flat repaired, but the guards say that with the weight of the gold, they can not jack up the truck. Krieger tells Klink to post a guard while they are fixing the flat. Krieger opens the side door of the truck to get some papers, and closes it. As it is closing, Newkirk puts a plastic marker in front of the latch to keep the door from locking.
That evening, Schultz is taking a coffee pot past the barracks. He is going to give it to the two Gestapo guards guarding the truck. Newkirk and LeBeau stop him and start talking to him. When a spotlight goes by, Schultz covers Newkirk and LeBeau. Newkirk and LeBeau suggest to Schultz that he grab a few gold bars. Schultz says that the gold was 'confiscated' from the Bank of France, it was not 'stolen'. As they are talking, Newkirk puts some pills in the spout of the coffee pot. These turn out to be sleeping pills. After the conversation, Schultz continues on, and goes to the truck with the coffee pot. He talks to the guards in German, and pours them some coffee; they thank him for it. After a few minutes, the sleeping pills take effect, and the guards fall asleep.
Newkirk and Carter take the guards in through the barrack's window, take their uniforms, and put them in bunks, still asleep. Hogan tells Newkirk to remember to open the door of the truck. Newkirk and Carter then stand guard on the truck in Gestapo uniforms. LeBeau goes in the truck, and starts passing boxes of the gold to other prisoners, who form a chain to pass the boxes down into the tunnel. Krieger comes by and asks how things are going. This is night, and Krieger can not see their faces. Newkirk says a few words, supposedly in German, and Krieger leaves. Carter says that he didn't know that Newkirk spoke German; Newkirk says that neither did he, until now.
Down in the tunnel, the gold bricks are taken out of the boxes, and dipped in brick-colored paint, while bricks are dipped in gold-colored paint. LeBeau holds one of each up in front of Hogan and asks him which is real. Hogan says 'Eenig, meeney, miney, .... money' and points to one brick; LeBeau says no, it is the other one. When the work is done, the gold-painted bricks are put in the boxes, and they are passed up through the tunnel, where a chain again passes them out to the truck. When they are all put back, Newkirk and Carter come back in, put the Gestapo uniforms back on the guards, and take the guards out to the truck, where they put them lying against the truck, sleeping, Hogan comes by and wakes one of the guards; Hogan says that he was sleeping on duty, and is lucky an officer didn't catch him. This guard then wakes the other guard, and says that he is lucky an officer didn't catch him.
The next day, the men are re-building the steps with bricks; actually the gold bricks that were dipped in the brick-colored paint. LeBeau says that they are running out of bricks; Hogan tells him to go to the 'bank' and get more 'bricks'. As they are doing this, Krieger, the Gestapo guards, and the truck leave camp.
Klink thanks the men for building the steps. Hogan says that the steps are as good as gold, and the men cheer.
At the end, Klink and Krieger are in Klink's office. Krieger says that the gold is missing and may be at STALAG 13. Klink tells Krieger to search. He says 'If you find any gold, use this rifle to shoot me', and he takes Schultz's rifle. Klink then hands the rifle to Hogan, and Krieger goes to search. Hogan says that he would like to sit this one out.
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