- [a milestone quotation for the series - Klink admits to Schultz and Hogan]
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: For the first time since I've been in command here... I want to know nothing. Nothing!
- Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: [spots Alfie sitting at the table] What do think I am nuts or something? Who is that Grandpa?
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Just another one of the prisoners, captured like the rest of us.
- Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Who captured him... the Kaiser?
- Alf the Artist: [after coming up out of the emergency tunnel] Ah, thank you very much. Oh lovely tunnel I must say - pity it doesn't lead into a bank.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Are you going to need any special equipment?
- Alf the Artist: [patting his leather bag] Oh, a good surgeon is always ready to operate and remove things...