- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Have you got everything straight?
- Sgt. Andrew Carter: [dressed as Klink] Maybe you better run through it once more. Klink isn't too bright, you know.
- [laughs. LeBeau glares at him]
- Sgt. Andrew Carter: At 9:55, I go into the station master, and I tell him I have this package that has to go out on the Berlin Express. It's of great military importance.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: And if he asks any questions?
- Sgt. Andrew Carter: I yell and scream at him, call him a few twelve-letter names, and if he still gives me an argument, I... think of something else.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Carter, you overpower him quickly and quietly.
- Sgt. Andrew Carter: I think it's much safer to think of something else.
- Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Andrew, the station master is a little old man.
- Sgt. Andrew Carter: Uh-huh, and sometimes little old men have big old guns.
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: Carter, civilians aren't allowed to carry firearms, and besides Kinch'll be outside if you need any help.
- Col. Klink: I wonder what was on that train that was so important.
- [Explosion. Large object flies through window]
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Picks up large object that flew through window, holds it up so Klink can see it] I think it was airplane parts.
- General Burkhalter: We just want to ask you a few question, Sgt. Schultz.
- Sgt. Schultz: Forgive me, sir. Private Schultz.
- Maj. Hochstetter: Private?
- General Burkhalter: Back to private? When did this happen?
- Sgt. Schultz: Shortly after I fell through the Colonel's bedroom door. Very shortly after.
- Maj. Hochstetter: Exactly what time did this happen?
- Col. Robert E. Hogan: About 11 o'clock. That's about right, isn't it, Schultz?
- Sgt. Schultz: Three minutes after.
- Maj. Hochstetter: Three minutes after? You just happened to look at you watch, huh?
- Sgt. Schultz: No sir, I happened to sit on it. It stopped at the very time.
- General Burkhalter: Klink! Shut up and get out.
- Col. Klink: Yes sir, I'm shutting up and I'm getting out.