- Brad: [Brad's car has been stolen and stripped] I can't believe this. There's nothing they can do?
- Tim: I'm with Brad. Somebody has got to be held accountable for this.
- Jill: You heard the officer. There's nothing they can do.
- Tim: Maybe there's nothing THEY can do. But there's something *I* can do. I'm the guy who delivered a baby after being crowned Car Guy of the Year in the same night. I'm the guy that built a lawn mower than can do 12 seconds in a 1/4 mile. I'm the guy that put a barbecue grill in geosynchronous orbit, so don't you tell me there's nothing we can do. I'm the Tool Man, I can fix ANYTHING.
- Jill: Alright, zip up your fly and let's go.
- Tim: [on the phone with the police] My son's car was stolen and I'm offering free Tool Time tickets to the man that finds it... Officer? I fail to see the humor in what I just said.
- Tim: Compression test is a great way to find out if your rings are in good shape or you got a crack in the block.
- Al Borland: My gauge should read between 120 and 130 pounds.
- Tim: The last time your gauge read that, you were 6 years old.