Home Improvement (TV Series)
Pilot (1991)
Patricia Richardson: Jill Taylor
Photos
Quotes
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Jill Taylor : [discussing Jill's upcoming job interview] Tim, do you ever listen to me? It was the last thing that I said in bed to you last night.
Tim Taylor : No; I believe, if you recall, the last thing you said to me in bed last night was "NO!"
Jill Taylor : [smirking] You're thinking of tonight.
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Tim Taylor : This is *my* house, that is *my* dishwasher, and I will rewire it if I want to.
Jill Taylor : No! You will not rewire it and screw it up like you did the blender. End of discussion.
[Jill walks out]
Tim Taylor : What is your problem with the blender? It's the only blender on the block that can puree a brick!
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Tim Taylor : [wanting to go to a tool sale at Sears] I'll be back in twenty minutes.
Jill Taylor : Twenty minutes! Who are you kidding? You'll be down there drooling, fondling all the tools, your eyes bugging out. You don't even look at me like that.
Tim Taylor : I would if you were two speeds and reversible.
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Jill Taylor : This is great! Now I've gotta take advice from a guy who prances around a TV studio, grunting like a baboon...
Tim Taylor : What does that have to do with it?
Jill Taylor : ...while Miss Binford Tool Girl flashes her big headlights.
Tim Taylor : Lisa?
Jill Taylor : [sarcastic] No - Al!
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Jill Taylor : Tim!
[Jill gets Tim's tape measure out of a drawer]
Jill Taylor : Walk out that door and this goes in the trash compactor.
[Jill holds the tape measure over the compactor]
Tim Taylor : No! That's my Binford Power Tape with posi-toggle lock.
Jill Taylor : Kiss it goodbye!
[Jill drops it in and shuts the compactor]
Tim Taylor : Don't turn that thing on.
Jill Taylor : Are you staying?
Tim Taylor : Yes! God, you're mean to me.
[Jill kisses him. Tim opens the trash compactor]
Tim Taylor : Aww, there's food boogers all over it!
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Jill Taylor : Tim! This job is important to me. Aren't you excited about me going back to work?
Tim Taylor : Yeah, sure.
Jill Taylor : [imitating him] Yeah, sure. Could you maybe work up a little enthusiasm?
Tim Taylor : I'm sorry, honey.
[fake bravado]
Tim Taylor : Gosh, I'm excited that you won't be laying around the house, mooching off the boys and me!
[Jill slaps his right butt cheek]
Tim Taylor : Oh! Do the other side.
[Jill slaps his left butt cheek]
Tim Taylor : Oh, I'm your love slave!