- The Colonel: '61 was a vintage year. You should have bought one of those Lincolns when they first came out.
- Tim: I would've sir, but I was six.
- The Colonel: That's no excuse.
- Tim: Let's see, he went to bed at 2300 hours. He wanted nine hours of sleep, that would be 3200. Minus twelve, you add that up, uh... 20 O'clock.
- The Colonel: [aggravated] All right, you didn't like the book. I'm gonna get the boys. We'll be back at 1300 hours.
- Tim: What time is that?
- The Colonel: It's 1:00. Why is that so difficult for you to understand? Every private in the army gets it by the end of the first day.
- Jill: Daddy, I'm sorry I upset you, but...
- The Colonel: I'm not upset. IF I WERE UPSET, I'D BE YELLING.
- Tim: You gave them shrapnel? What did you give me?
- The Colonel: I gave you my daughter.
- Tim: Yeah you're right, Sir. But I'm kind of tired of playing with that gift.
- The Colonel: '61 was a vintage year. You should have bought one of those Lincolns when they first came out.
- Tim: I would have, Sir, but I was 6.
- The Colonel: So, did you read my book?
- Tim: Yes, we did.
- The Colonel: What did you think of it?
- Tim: There's a lot of good stuff in there. It's a tad bit wordy. But in a good way.
- The Colonel: A writer is supposed to use words. What did you want, pictures?
- Tim: Could've helped a little. You know what was so odd, you had a book and it didn't have any people in it.
- The Colonel: This is a book about policy and objectives and how to win a war. You don't want to clutter that up with a lot of people.
- Tim: Good point. Writing a book about war, you don't want to talk about people.
- Jill: When we were growing up, we weren't allowed to tell you anything that might upset you.
- The Colonel: Oh really? Then why the hell was I upset so much?
- Jill: We're not your soldiers, Dad.
- The Colonel: Damn right. My soldiers were under control. Then I'd come home to your mother and you five girls and I NEVER KNEW WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON.
- [Tim's hockey puck machine misfires a puck onto The Colonel's car]
- The Colonel: My car.
- Tim: It was Jill.
- The Colonel: And then, who should grab my shoulder but General Douglas MacArthur.
- Mark: Who?
- The Colonel: Your father never told you about General MacArthur?
- Mark: No, but he told me about General Motors.