- Tim: [watching "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town"] Sure it's easy to be happy when you're made out of wood.
- Tim: [Tim is fantasizing that he and his family are wooden dolls] Let's not get hung up on how we look. There are more important things to think about during the holidays.
- Brad: Like your lighting contest?
- Tim: Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm through putting Christmas lights on this house. I'm giving all the holiday lights to the homeless.
- Jill: And where exactly are the homeless going to hang them?
- Tim: Good point... We'll give them the house too!
- [Tim is dreaming that he and his family are wooden dolls]
- Tim: Boys, go get your rooms and put them in the box.
- Mark: But where are we going to live?
- Tim: You, you, you. You people have got to stop thinking about yourselves.
- Jill: Tim, you've changed. You're caring. Giving. You're... loving. And you've got a termite coming out of your ear.
- Tim: Have a little compassion. Even the lowliest creature needs a friend.
- Al: [in Tim's dream, he is a wooden doll and Al is a snowman] We have something very special to show you today. Say hello to the new Binford 6100 Toolapalooza. It saws. It sands. It welds. It grinds. It does absolutely everything.
- Tim: Not everything, Al. Does it feed the hungry? Does it clothe the naked? Does it heal the sick?
- Al: I don't know. I haven't tried all the attachments.
- Jill: I'm so glad our family values are rubbing off on you.
- Randy: What do you mean?
- Jill: Well your father and I have always taught you that holidays are about sharing and putting other people first.
- Tim: [Enters] Honey, look what we got. The last turkey they had. The biggest one. It's all mine, mine, mine!
- Tim: Oh, hey, Benny. I didn't see you.
- Benny Baroni: You know, it just occurred to me: Thursday is Thanksgiving.
- Tim: Thanksgiving is falling on a Thursday this year?