Home Improvement (TV Series)

Whose Car Is It Anyway? (1996)

Tim Allen: Tim Taylor

Photos 

Quotes 

• Randy : What kind of sick person hot wires his wife's car?

  Tim : I think you boys are old enough to know the truth: your father is a sick, sick man.

• Wilson : I suggest you apologize to everyone you've wronged automotively.

  Tim : That could take years.

  Wilson : Then start with Jill.

  Tim : That could take years.

• Tim : [Upon seeing Jill's new car]  It's British.

  Jill : It's a 1967 Austin Healy.

  Tim : I know what the heck it is. I don't know anything about British cars.

  Jill : That was a big selling point.

  Tim : These things require constant attention, honey.

  Jill : I know. I was thinking I could learn about the car and maybe do some of the work myself.

  [Tim bursts out laughing] 

• Tim : Can I have the keys, please?

  Jill : What for?

  Tim : I want to take it for a little drive and see what kind of trouble you got yourself in.

  Jill : You put down my car, you put me down for buying my car, and you expect me to hand over the keys so you can take it for a drive and tell me what else is wrong with it?

  Tim : It's a thought.

• Tim : I'm addicted to cars.

  Jill : Well, *duh*.

  Tim : I'm thinking of checking into the Henry Ford Clinic.

• Tim : [Upset over Jill's new car]  It's a shocker. I don't know what to say.

  Jill : How about saying that you're really happy that I got the car I wanted?

  Tim : Alright, I... I'm... IT'S BRITISH. These people made a fighter plane out of wood. They put kidneys in pies for God's sakes.

• Tim : [preparing to hotwire the Healey]  Wait a minute - - what am I DOING? What kind of selfish pathetic guy would violate his wife's trust merely for his own pleasure? What kind of despicable guy would hotwire his own wife's car?

  Tim : [gets a crafty "I'm being really BAD and I'm PROUD OF IT!" grin on his face]  A guy like ME...!

• Tim : [in a deeper-toned reverb-enhanced voice to indicate he's thinking it rather than saying it]  She's leaving the keys to the Healey...

• Tim : How do we know you didn't get a lemon?

  Jill : [reassuringly]  No, no. I had it checked out by a British mechanic.

  Tim : [sarcastically]  A **British** mechanic? What did he say - - it was "ducky"?

  Jill : [indignantly]  Nigel went over this car bumper to bumper. He said it was in great mechanical shape, and I got a great deal.