Homicide: Life on the Street (TV Series)

All Through the House (1994)

Richard Belzer: Detective John Munch

Quotes 

• Det. John Munch : [answering the phone]  Ho ho ho homicide.

• Lt. Al Giardello : Never try to hustle a Sicilian.

  Det. John Munch : You tried to hustle Gee at hearts?

  Det. Tim Bayliss : He plays hearts?

  Det. John Munch : The man was a legend back in the day, nobody could beat him. He put one of his kids through college just playing hearts.

• Det. John Munch : [depressed]  I hate Christmas because it's a time of year when you're supposed to be happy, and if you're unhappy, you think there's something wrong with you which just makes you even MORE unhappy!

• Fidel McGibney : Why do you wear dark glasses indoors?

  Det. John Munch : I have strange eyes.

  [looks around sadly at all the cheerful photographs of the McGibney Family on the wall] 

  Fidel McGibney : I think you're hiding something.

  Det. John Munch : Not me... my soul's an open book.

• Det. John Munch : [missing every ball at the batting cage]  Nobody can hit a ball going at a million miles an hour.

• Det. John Munch : To get here, I had to run a virtual gauntlet of Christmas cheer. Bargain-hungry shoppers, mewling kids, carols blasting from diabolically hidden loudspeakers.What kept me going was the thought that once I reached my destination - our sacred inner sanctum - I'd find refuge from this yuletide delirium.

• Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander : All I'm saying is that you are a pessimist, Munch!

  Det. John Munch : A pessimist?

  Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander : Yeah, you're always seeing the worst in everything! You never see anything good, a moment of redemption! You don't believe in anything!

• Det. John Munch : [upon seeing a dead man dressed in a Santa Claus outfit, lying in the snow, covered in blood]  Oh no, Rudolph's gonna be pissed.

• Fidel McGibney : [Fidel cries and hugs Munch]  My dad's not a deadbeat drunk!

  Det. John Munch : [regretful, knowing that Fidel's dad is gone]  I know... I'm sorry.

  [hugs Fidel back] 

• Stanley 'The Big Man' Bolander : The only thing beautiful women ever say to you is, 'excuse me, you're blocking the view!'

  Det. John Munch : [annoyed]  NOW who's the pessimist?

• Fidel McGibney : My name's Fidel.

  Det. John Munch : Like Fidel Castro?

• Det. John Munch : I don't have a weird face! I'm darkly handsome maybe, but not weird...?

  [looks in the mirror self-consciously] 

• Det. John Munch : [a graphic slasher film is playing on TV]  You shouldn't be watching that.

  Fidel McGibney : Why not?

  Det. John Munch : Because it's disgusting, that's why! I've seen more violence in the past twenty minutes than I've seen in my whole career as a homicide cop!

• Det. John Munch : [excitedly, while throwing snow around]  Merry Christmas, happy Hanukah!