I Love Lucy (TV Series)

Lucy Is a Matchmaker (1953)

Vivian Vance: Ethel Mertz

Quotes 

• Lucy Ricardo : The men are intrigued by Sylvia because she's single. This makes her mysterious and exciting. We have to find Sylvia a husband... It's our only chance. Now, where can we find her a husband?

  Ethel Mertz : I'll make the sacrifice. She can have mine.

• Lucy Ricardo : [Lucy has just explained the entire situation, truthfully, to Ricky and Fred--but they're pretending they don't believe her]  They want the truth, let's give it to 'em. Go ahead!

  Ethel Mertz : Oh...

  [thinking] 

  Ethel Mertz : Well... uhhh...

  [looks at Lucy] 

  Ethel Mertz : You start!

  Lucy Ricardo : Well, for a LONG time now, Ethel and I have been sick and tired of being married to a stale bongo player and a fat old fuddy-duddy!

  Ethel Mertz , Fred Mertz : A fat old fuddy-duddy?

  Ethel Mertz : A fat old fuddy-duddy.

  Lucy Ricardo : So when... when Eddie Grant came to town, we realized that... that here was a chance of a lifetime!

  Ethel Mertz : [Looks at Lucy quizzically]  And then what happened?

  [Realizes she's supposed to be telling the story] 

  Ethel Mertz : Uh... and then what happened will amaze you!

• Ricky Ricardo : [Lucy and Ethel arrange a date for traveling negligee salesman Eddie Grant, so he rewards them by leaving them in his hotel room to choose any negligees they want - wholesale. Ricky and Fred stop by, and catch Lucy trying on the garment]  Lucy! You, here, dressed in that. You must be out of your mind!

  Ethel Mertz : [From the next room]  Who is it, Lucy? Did Eddie come back?

  Fred Mertz : [Ethel enters, also negligee-clad]  Ethel! You, here, dressed in that. *He* must be out of his mind!

  Ethel Mertz : [Ethel looks first at Fred, then Lucy, quizzically]  Lucy, did they think that we...?

  [Lucy nods] 

  Ethel Mertz : That *I*...?

  [Lucy nods again] 

  Ethel Mertz : *WELL*!

  [smiles broadly] 

• Lucy Ricardo : [Lucy and Ethel are at the hotel, trying to see Eddie; he's just slammed his door in their faces]  Eddie? Eddie, I wanted to talk to you.

  Ethel Mertz : Eddie, let us in, Eddie!

  Lucy Ricardo : Eddie, open the door!

  Ethel Mertz : Come on now, let us in...

  Lucy Ricardo : Eddie!

  Ethel Mertz : Let us in, Eddie!

  Man in Hotel : Oh, girls! I'm down in 914. If Eddie won't let you in, I will!

  Lucy Ricardo : [Disgusted]  Oh go away. Fresh!

  [Gestures to Ethel] 

  Lucy Ricardo : How do you like that?

• Lucy Ricardo : [Ricky has just explained that he and Fred know all about the scheme to match Eddie up with Sylvia; he says he and Fred came up to teach Lucy and Ethel a lesson]  Come on, Ethel, let's change.

  [Turns and goes back toward the men] 

  Lucy Ricardo : Say, do you think maybe we've suffered enough so that you fellows might buy us these negligees--wholesale?

  Ricky Ricardo : How much are they?

  Lucy Ricardo : [Lucy and Ethel each look at their price tags]  Hundred and thirty-nine fifty.

  Ethel Mertz : Ninety-eight fifty.

  Ricky Ricardo : [Ricky whispers something to Fred]  Goodbye, Lucy.

  Fred Mertz : Goodbye, Ethel.

  Ethel Mertz : [the men start to leave]  Where are you going?

  Lucy Ricardo : What do you mean, goodbye?

  Ricky Ricardo : Too much money. We decided to let you go to South America.

  [with Eddie, as in Lucy and Ethel's made-up story]