The IT Crowd (TV Series)
Yesterday's Jam (2006)
Chris O'Dowd: Roy Trenneman
Photos
Quotes
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Jen : Hang on, guys.
[Typing on computer]
Jen : How can I help?
Roy : Well, we were just wondering now that you're 'the boss', would you like us to access the data supply and connect you up to the matrix?
Jen : [pause] You just made all that up.
Roy : [shouting] You don't know anything about computers! Admit it!
Jen : Would you stop trying to undermine me? Now get in there and do some work to do with computers! I'll be in there in a minute to check up on you!
[Moss goes under her desk]
Roy : OK, lady! You've won this round! But we can wait. You will slip up one day. And believe you me, we will be there when you do. There will be some piece of evidence that will prove without any shadow of a doubt that you don't know anything about computers!
Jen : [to Moss] What are you doing?
Moss : Plugging in your computer.
Roy : [Not realising Moss has found Jen's computer unplugged] It might be something you say, or something you do, but when we notice it - and believe me, we will notice it - it's gonna be a long way down for you, sweetcheeks!
[Leaves Jen's office]
Moss : He'll realise in a second.
Roy : [Runs back into Jen's office and screams with delight] . Aaahhh!
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[repeated line]
Roy : [whenever he answers the phone] Hello. IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?
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Moss : I just went in and she was having a pretend conversation.
Roy : Really?
Moss : Yes. She's a little bit weird, to say the least.
[sprays his ear with a small aerosol attached to his belt]
Roy : What's that?
Moss : Oh, it's just water. Sometimes I get a hot ear, and this helps cool it down. She is quite the oddball.
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Roy : [answers phone] Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again? Ugh, OK, well the button on the side, is it glowing?... Yeah, you need to turn it on. Erm, the button turns it on. Yeah, you... you do know how a button works don't you? No, not on clothes.
Moss : [answers other phone] Hello, IT. Yeah-ha. Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?
Roy : [still on phone] No, there you go. No, there you go. I just heard it come on. No no, that's the music you hear when it comes on. No that's the music you hear when... I'm sorry are you from the past?
Moss : [still on phone] See. the driver hooks the function by patching the system call table, so it's not safe to unload it unless another thread's about to jump in and do its stuff, and you don't want to end up in the middle of invalid memory... Hello?
[puts phone down]
Roy : [still on phone] Oh really? Really? Well, why don't you come down here and make me, then? What? You think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you. You can come down here any time and I'll be waiting for you!
[hangs up phone]
Roy : That told her.
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Roy : [posh accent] Yes, I believe it was Tolstoy who said... Oh, it appears we have a visitor. I'm sorry, myself and Maurice were engaged in quite a serious discussion about books and such. We didn't hear you come in.
Moss : Wait a second. You said it was Tolstoy who said what?
Roy : Oh, never mind that now, Maurice.
Moss : When have you read Tolstoy?
Roy : Shut up, Maurice
Moss : Why are you speaking in that weird voice? When did...? I don't remember this conversation AT ALL.
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Roy : OK, so here's the plan.
Moss : A plan. Let me put on my slightly larger glasses.
[puts on slightly larger glasses]
Moss : OK, hit me.
Roy : OK, we go in.
Moss : When?
Roy : You know, like, in a minute.
Moss : Will that be enough time for me to get to know the plan?
Roy : Yeah, you know what? I shouldn't have used the word "plan". I've clearly gotten you overexcited.
Moss : Would scheme be a better word? Although that's just as exciting. I might even need these
[puts on even larger glasses]
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Roy : Oh God, it's about time you got back. It's been all go.
Moss : You had a job?
Roy : Girl of fifth.
Moss : Did you and her hit it off?
Roy : Define "hit if off".
Moss : Did she continue talking to you once you fixed her computer?
Roy : No. And while I was working on it she rested a cup on my back.
Moss : No!
Roy : Yeah!
[Turns around and shows stains of coffee cup on his back]
Moss : Unbelievable!
Roy : Yeah, I mean they have no respect for us up there! No respect whatsoever! We're all just drudgeons to them!
Moss : Yes! If there were such a thing as a drudgeon, that is what we'd be to them.
Roy : It's like they're pally-wally when there's a problem with their printer, but once it's fixed...
Moss : ...they toss us away like yesterday's jam!
Roy : Yes! Yesterday's jam! That's what we are to them.
[Phone rings, Roy picks it up, but before answering he tells Moss]
Roy : Actually, you know, that doesn't really work, as a thing, because jam lasts for ages.
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Roy : I mean, they have no respect for us up there! No respect whatsoever! We're all just drudgeons to them!
Moss : Yes! If there were such a thing as a drudgeon, that is what we'd be to them.
Roy : It's like they're pally-wally with us when there's a problem with their printer, but once it's fixed...
Moss : They just toss us away like yesterday's jam.
Roy : Yes! Yesterday's jam. That is what we are to them!... Actually, that doesn't work, as a thing, because, you know, jam lasts for ages.
