- Nina Van Horn: You remember that PR woman from Cosmo who tried to run over her boss with her car? She was turned into A-list party material overnight. Why? Because she had a hook.
- Maya Gallo: So my hook is I'm a sexual predator?
- Nina Van Horn: Hey, back off! That's my hook.
- Nina Van Horn: Who is that guy with Maya?
- Dennis Finch: I don't recall. Perhaps a dead president might jog my memory.
- Nina Van Horn: Okay, here.
- [give Dennis some money]
- Dennis Finch: His name is Steve McPherson. He's a writer and Maya's helping him with his articles.
- Nina Van Horn: Where did he come from?
- Dennis Finch: I'm blanking.
- [Nina gives him more money]
- Dennis Finch: He's a failed playwright, so he got into journalism.
- Nina Van Horn: Anything else?
- Dennis Finch: I can't remember.
- [Nina gives him more money]
- Dennis Finch: I still can't remember.
- [Nina gives him more money]
- Dennis Finch: Seriously, I can't remember, but nice doing business with you.
- Jack Gallo: You know, I used to date a model who posed for lingerie ads.
- Elliot DiMauro: And?
- Jack Gallo: That's it, no point, just boasting.
- Maya Gallo: This is ridiculous! I'm being accused of something I didn't do, and I'm supposed to just sit back and take it?
- Jack Gallo: Welcome to all three of my divorces.
- [after viewing Staci's hemorrhoid commercial]
- Staci: So, what did you think?
- Elliot DiMauro: I'm... speechless.
- Dennis Finch: I'm not.
- Elliot DiMauro: Yes, you are.
- Jack Gallo: Such an exciting time. The moving in, the getting married... the first arguments, the new girl from accounting, the alimony... Now I'm sad.
- Elliot DiMauro: Oh, God! Why did it have to be hemorrhoids?
- Jack Gallo: I think it's great. You should be proud of her.
- Elliot DiMauro: You think so?
- Dennis Finch: You know what they say. You have to start at the *bottom*.
- Elliot DiMauro: I'm going to have lunch with Staci.
- Dennis Finch: Oh, will that be buffet or sit down?
- Elliot DiMauro: Look, I'm okay with her doing a hemorrhoid commercial.
- Dennis Finch: I know, I'm itching to see it again. Have a swell time. Get it? Swell, because...
- Elliot DiMauro: I get it!
- Elliot DiMauro: So, Miss "women aren't objects"? Is this the pot feeling up the kettle.
- Maya Gallo: I didn't feel up any kettle. This is all a scam.
- Jack Gallo: Scam or not, we need to protect ourselves. So if anyone asks, this meeting took place in March 1994.
- [Staci the "hemorrhoid girl" dumps Elliot]
- Dennis Finch: You know what? You showed a lot of class. A lesser man would have rectum. That's the last one.
- Nina Van Horn: Maya, the Salvation Army just called. That chest of yours, just stick it out and they'll be all over it.
- Jack Gallo: Allie, it's not the repair man's fault. The reason the dishes are coming out broken is because that's the garbage disposal.