- Richard: Why can't I have my usual cornflakes?
- Hyacinth: This is not a cornflake establishment.
- Richard: Whunh. It always has been!
- Hyacinth: Perhaps in the days before this exclusive European high fibre breakfast cereal was made available. Now it's very nutritious and highly recommended.
- Richard: By whom?
- Hyacinth: The Dutch Royal Family.
- Richard: The Dutch Royal Family!
- Hyacinth: There's a crest on the packet.
- Richard: Oh, Hyacinth. I wish you'd stop buying things because there's a crest on the packet.
- Hyacinth: So in future, when people ask you what you have for breakfast, don't say cornflakes. Tell them, quite truthfully, that you eat an exclusive European high fibre breakfast cereal.
- Richard: [through clenched teeth] With a crest on the package.
- Onslow: I admit I used to be a bit of a menace with the female sex. I was dynamite. To me the Kama Sutra was an owner's manual.
- [first lines]
- Hyacinth: Sonja Barker-Finch.
- [turns on the light and sits up]
- Hyacinth: How much longer are you going to sleep, dear?
- Richard: Probably not a lot, I suspect.
- Hyacinth: Well, I haven't slept a wink.
- Richard: I heard you snoring.
- Hyacinth: I've had a night of mental anguish.
- Richard: Didn't sound like mentally anguished snoring.
- Hyacinth: You know me, Richard. I haven't a snobbish bone in my body. But I do find it irritating that those Barker-Finches at Number 23 should attract *the* Douglas Chater to their barbecue.
- Richard: Uh, the Douglas what?
- Hyacinth: Chater. They had him at their barbecue.
- Richard: Now what did he taste like?
- Hyacinth: Now don't be silly, dear. They had him at their barbecue and of course she can't stop telling everybody. I cannot abide people who run around making a meal out of their little social triumphs.
- Onslow: [Dumbfounded, after Daisy accuses him of being untrustworthy because he's attractive to women] I'm work-shy, bone idle, and out of condition! What makes you think I'm attractive to women?
- Daisy: I married you, didn't I?
- Onslow: When I was younger!
- Daisy: You were still work-shy, bone idle, and out of condition.
- Onslow: Well, yeah, but I was better-dressed.
- Emmet: [after Richard and Hyacinth return from the garden center] Liz, a mobile garden has just parked in Hyacinth's drive!
- Elizabeth: A mobile garden?
- Emmet: Well, a good imitation, anyway.
- Elizabeth: [looks] Good heavens! You hear about the greenhouse effect. Next thing you know, it's parked outside!
- Emmet: I think Richard's under that lot somewhere.
- Elizabeth: With Hyacinth?
- Emmet: [laughs] No, she escaped. She went indoors.
- Elizabeth: Well, instead of giggling, you might go out and give Richard a hand.
- Emmet: I wouldn't walk into a jungle like that without a map and a compass!