- Daisy: [talking about life after death] Do you think we'll be slimmer?
- Onslow: I expect so. I don't suppose they'll do as many chips.
- Daisy: Maybe they'll let us send down for some chips.
- Onslow: I could just fancy some chips...
- Rose: [comes in] Hyacinth doesn't think it's a good idea for me to talk to the vicar.
- Onslow: I'll bet the vicar's wife doesn't think it's a good idea, either!
- Daisy: You only want to talk to him because he's a 'dishy' vicar.
- Rose: Listen, if I'm going to go religious, I may as well go first class!
- Onslow: Hey Rose, do you think you're feeling Christian enough to do us all a few chips?
- [first lines]
- Hyacinth: I wish you'd smile more when you're gardening, Richard.
- [with a smile, she mimes trimming a branch]
- Richard: If I do *that* they're going to lock me away.
- Hyacinth: Try to look as though you're enjoying it, dear.
- Richard: But I don't particularly enjoy it. It's just something that has to be done.
- Hyacinth: Well, that's how it appears.
- Richard: The garden looks well enough.
- Hyacinth: Oh, it's not the garden dear; it's *you*. You look as though you're not enjoying doing it. Which gives the impression that we can't afford a gardener.
- Richard: We can't afford a gardener.
- Hyacinth: Shh, Richard! Keep your voice down, dear. *If* we can't afford a gardener, that's all the more reason why we should look as though we *can* afford a gardener. So in future, could you look like someone who enjoys doing his own gardening but could afford a gardener if he wanted to.
- Elizabeth: When is Richard ever alone?
- Emmet: Precisely, Liz! Maybe I could sneak him off for a quiet drink somewhere. Give the poor devil a break.
- Elizabeth: I'm sure he'd enjoy that.
- Emmet: The trick is trying to get him free from the clutches of "the Creature from the Black Lagoon". Frankenstein created a monster... and it sings!
- The Vicar's Wife: You're in a good mood.
- The Vicar: Why not?
- [takes mug of tea]
- The Vicar: Thank you. It's been almost like a holiday. A little holiday. An entire week without a Bucket.
- The Vicar's Wife: A bucket?
- The Vicar: The dreaded Bucket!
- The Vicar's Wife: Oh, that one.
- The Vicar: You know, my job is not without its satisfactions. People come in dismay and despair, and sometimes you can help.
- The Vicar's Wife: This one really needs help.
- The Vicar: Well, I'll certainly do my best.
- The Vicar's Wife: It's the Bucket woman.
- The Vicar: Tell her I've gone away. To China.
- The Vicar's Wife: Well, what part of China?
- The Vicar: What the devil does it matter what part of China!
- The Vicar's Wife: It'll matter to her. She'll only be impressed if it's a smart part.
- Hyacinth: [as Richard tries to put the skis in the car] We're just going to my sister Violet's house. You know the one. Large house, swimming pool, room for a po-
- [Richard accidentally gooses her with the skis and she shrieks]
- Hyacinth: NEEEEEE!
- Emmet: [laughs]
- Hyacinth: Mind what you're doing, Richard!
- Emmet: I think that's the highest note you've hit in quite a while.
- Hyacinth: [taking it as a compliment and recovering; smiles, laughs lightly; then returns to scolding mode] Mind what you're doing with those skis.