- About to embark on their yachting vacation, Hyacinth and Richard get kitted out with old sea-dog jerseys and caps. However, when they arrive at the docks, their magnificent yacht does not live up to its expectations, and with guests arriving at any moment, what is Hyacinth to do?—Nadia Nassar
- One of Sheridan's friends has offered to allow Sheridan's parents to stay for a weekend on his family's yacht. Hyacinth is delighted about this unexpected kindness on the part of her son, and nearly drives Emmet, Richard, and Elizabeth crazy all week as she can talk of nothing else but how she will be having a nautical buffet on the yacht, in lieu of her normal candlelight supper.
Meanwhile, Rose has a new boyfriend who is - for probably the first time - single and not adulterous. He is also religious and Rose is trying to act the part of someone who is religious as well, to impress him, with mixed results. Finally she calls Hyacinth to ask if she can borrow her prayerbook, but Hyacinth declines, saying she should invite her new boyfriend to visit them on the yacht instead.
Hyacinth gets it into her head that, in spite of the fact the boat will be moored all weekend upriver and they aren't sailing it anywhere, that they have to treat the whole thing as a sea expedition. No matter how many times Richard tries to explain to her that they aren't sailors, they aren't sailing and that they aren't even going to be near the sea, she is obsessed with the idea and insists they dress and act the part of old sea dogs. She, as usual, has just the outfit for the occasion. Unfortunately after they finish packing and Richard gets dressed, the closest thing he has to a seagoing jersey is below her standards, so she decides they must go to the store to find something better. On the way to the car, she reminds Elizabeth and Emmet - yet again - that they are to come for cocktails and a nautical buffet that afternoon.
Hyacinth wants her neighbor Mrs. Barker-Finch to see them going yachting and be jealous so she has Richard stop the car and they get out and pretend to wave goodbye to Elizabeth and Emmet again and say something nautical. But Richard is unenthusiastic because he knows the foolishness of this whole "sea dog" exercise. She takes him to the store and buys him a new suit of clothes, with a proper seagoing hat and jersey and white shorts and canvas sailing shoes. Richard despises the shorts but is forced to wear them - he complains volubly about them the rest of the journey to the dock, but to no avail.
Upon arrival at the dock, Richard is forced to endure the amused looks of the other boaters as Hyacinth obliviously strolls down the boardwalk spouting nautical phrases. She then goes into the office and returns with the keys and berth number of their yacht, which is named "Contessa II". They proceed to the berth, where a truly magnificent white yacht, bigger than many of the others, is moored. Hyacinth insists Richard take her picture on board the yacht before they go in, despite the fact he is desperate to get indoors because there is a draught coming up from the lake and he is in shorts.
After Richard snaps a few pictures, Hyacinth tries both the keys in the door but with no success. While she proposes to guard the ship from pirates, Richard takes the wrong keys and is about to go ask the boating office to give them the correct pair, when he spots the name of the ship they are on, which is not Contessa II. The keys are not wrong, the boat is. They check the next boat moored in the berth, a far smaller blue yacht in need of a new paint job, and to Hyacinth's horror discover that it is in fact Contessa II. While it's still a comparatively nice boat, it is too small for a full buffet and looks distinctly inferior next to its larger neighbors.
Hyacinth decides the only way to prevent embarrassment is to sail the boat downriver away from the docks so it can't be compared to its neighbors. Unfortunately neither she nor Richard know how to operate a motorboat. First, she tries to stand on the prow while Richard steers from the stern, and give him directions. But Richard makes the yacht stop and start so jerkily in his attempts to get going that she is nearly thrown overboard and he has to catch her. Next, she goes onto the dock and helps manually push the yacht off into the water and get it turned round to face the correct way. She is about to go on board when the ship starts inexplicably motoring backwards off into the open river, with Richard on board and having no idea how to steer or stop it.
Hyacinth pursues Richard along the bank, yelling at him to stop and wait for her but to no avail, as he can't control the yacht. Finally she gets the idea to tell him to switch the engine off, which stops the yacht from going in reverse but it is still floating along with the current. He manages to get it to the bank and is forced to use himself as a bridge for Hyacinth to get on, as the bank is too steep for any other method to work. Unfortunately, the position is now reversed as Richard's grip on the boat slips and the current carries it off, with him on the bank and Hyacinth on board. Richard teases her at first but when it becomes clear she is helpless and will be carried away, he suggests she throw him a rope so he can pull her back in to shore. Unfortunately Hyacinth starts the engine and the boat proves stronger than Richard - he is pulled into the river and dragged along behind the boat. Hyacinth switches off the engine and stops steering, to go and try to pull him out, but the boat wanders in towards the bank again, striking it hard and causing Hyacinth to fall overboard as well.
Emmet and Elizabeth arrive at the dock, not having been alerted to the change in plans, wondering where on earth Contessa II could have gone. A loud squelching proclaims someone approaching and Hyacinth and Richard, both wet, freezing cold, and covered in pondweed, appear on the scene. They announce that the buffet has been cancelled and that they are going home. A weary and remorseful Hyacinth offers to buy everyone fish and chips to compensate.
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