King of the Hill (TV Series)

A Fire-fighting We Will Go (1999)

Stephen Root: Bill Dauterive

Quotes 

• Boomhauer : [Telling his side of the story]  Ah, no way man, ol' Dribble talkin' that crazy crap, man, tell you what happened that th' dang ol' TRUTH, man. Bill, man, all threw that 'n' flip BOOM right in my ear, man.

  Dale Gribble : [Messing with the smoke detector while talking just like Boomhauer]  Yeah, man, I tell you what, that dang ol' detector, man, talk 'bout government take away freedom of smoke, man, tell you what, dang old joke, man

  [Spots Hank] 

  Dale Gribble : Geh!

  Hank Hill : [Also talking like Boomhauer]  Yeah, man, I tell you what, man, dang ol' boy ain't right, man, gonna talk 'bout kick your dang ol' ass, man, I don't know...

  Boomhauer : [Talking slowly and normally]  For God sakes, Hank, act like an adult, man! And keep it down, guys, will you? I am trying to get through an article on vintage Camaros, and I've been on the same dang page for twenty minutes.

  Bill Dauterive : [Talking like Boomhauer]  Dang ol' pretty, pretty pizza, that- I tell you what.

• Hank Hill : [Finishing up his part of the story of how the firehouse burned down]  Wait a minute I remember seeing some kind of yellow light in the mirror, I know what caused the fire somebody plugged in that stupid Alamo Beer sign, and I'll tell you who that somebody had to be

  [Dale starts to cry because he was the guilty one] 

  Hank Hill : that somebody had to be... Chet Elderson.

  Dale Gribble : I did not... Chet Elderson!

  Hank Hill : Yep Chet was always trying to plug it in, he loved that sign but the dang thing didn't work right, it threw off sparks and well it was just a real fire hazard, isn't that right Dale?

  Dale Gribble : Uh, yes Chet Elderson must've plugged that sign in last time he was at the station, what a moron, may he, may he rest in peace... right Bill?

  Bill Dauterive : Right, yeah it sounds like Chet.

  [Hank and Dale nod] 

  Boomhauer : I'll tell you what man don't you go dragging ol' Chet's name through the mud man, Dale's the one who did it man you know, dang ol' leave ol' Chet alone man.

  Heck Dorland : So each and everyone of you believes that Chet Elderson is the started that fire?

  [Everyone nods except for Bommhauer who groans] 

  Heck Dorland : Well it doesn't surprise me, I told him half a dozen times not to plug in that sign.

• Bill Dauterive : [after getting hit in the face with a freshly baked pie]  My face hurts!

  Hank Hill : And it'll match your ass when I'm done kickin' it!

  [chases him] 

• Hank Hill : [Tired of hearing them playing ping pong]  Guys knock it off I'm trying to sleep!,

  [Fed up] 

  Hank Hill : Gimme the ball, damn it!,

  [Takes the ball and steps on it] 

  Hank Hill : There!

  Bill Dauterive : [Takes Hank's glasses and steps on them]  There!

  Hank Hill : Dang it, Bill! That was my only pair of glasses!

  Dale Gribble : Dang it, Hank! That was our only ball.

• Dale Gribble : My name is Shackelford, Rusty Shackelford, I refuse to speak without my attorney present,

  [stands, takes off his hat] 

  Dale Gribble : I am Mr. Shackelford's attorney, Rusty Shackelford, My client pleads insanity.

  Bill Dauterive : My name is Dauterive comma Bill, I am also insane.

• [Bill steps on Hank's glasses after Hank steps on his ping pong ball] 

  Hank : Dang it, Bill! That was my only pair of glasses!

  Dale Gribble : Dang it, Hank! That was our only ball.

  [Throws a hot Frito pie at Hank, but misses and hits Bill] 

  Boomhauer : Hey man, I was dang ol' scarfing on that, man.

  Bill Dauterive : My face hurts.

  Hank : And it'll match your ass when I'm done kicking it.

• Bill Dauterive : I heard Mrs Throckmorton is lookin' to hire four plumbers.

  Hank Hill : No.

  Bill Dauterive : It's all the beer we can drink.

  Hank Hill : Okay, I could use a beer.

• Bill Dauterive : Dauterive Comma, William Fontaine De La Tour Comma, Seargent Barber Comma, United States...

  Hank Hill : Comma Numbskull, Comma Shut Up!

• Fire Chief : So you were the ones who busted that hydrant? We got an anonymous call it was a bunch of kids.

  Dale Gribble : Bunch of kids? I gave you names, Hill, Bobby, Gribble, Joseph.

  Bill Dauterive : It was Dale's fault!

  Boomhauer : Dang old Dale, who took along the jaws of life!

  [smacks Dale and Bill's heads together] 

  Hank Hill : [annoyed]  Oh god!