- Dale Gribble: [after Hank's been shot] Oh God Hank you're dying, I'll never forget you, I will bury you in my backyard, I'll dedicate my life to propane, and don't you worry about Peggy - I'll keep Bill away from her.
- Hank Hill: [recovers] I'm fine, Dale, but if you're serious about the propane, I've got some pamphlets...
- Dale Gribble: You're fine!
- [unbuttons Hank's shirt]
- Dale Gribble: You were wearing a bulletproof vest, you thought I was gonna shoot you.
- Hank Hill: Well, that or spray me with poisonous chemicals. I thought you'd kill yourself right after.
- Dale Gribble: I would have, too.
- Dale Gribble: [Spying him crawling through Nancy's bedroom window] I know what you're here for.
- John Redcorn: Dale, this isn't how I wanted you to find out!
- Dale Gribble: Quit screwing around with my mower!
- John Redcorn: You've got to be kidding
- Dale Gribble: I don't kid about my mower, now get inside and start massaging my wife!
- John Redcorn: [to Nancy] He's taking some of the fun out of this
- Dale Gribble: If you're going to shoot me, I want Bobby Hill to take the shot, because he'll put me down clean.
- Bobby Hill: Okay!
- [tries to take a gun from a police officer]
- Dale Gribble: [to Hank] You know, you used to be on my list of trustables, and it was a very short list, I wasn't even on it, but now, I just don't know. I guess you're not my friend.
- Hank Hill: Dale, if I could do it again, I'd... hey, what the heck is that? I am too your friend, I'm as good a friend as a weirdo like you is ever going to have.
- Dale Gribble: One shot on the way down eliminates the Gribble problem, then the Cuban robot soldiers have only Steve Wynn standing between them and Wichita.
- Hank Hill: Dale, there are no robots and there are no Cubans!
- Dale Gribble: If there are no Cubans, how do you account for Desi Arnaz?
- Boomhauer: Hey, yo, Dale, what you doin' up there, man... talkin' 'bout goin' crazy, man... come on down, man...
- Dale Gribble: Boomhauer, if I ever heard anyone reading a script, that was it.
- Nancy Hicks Gribble: [to Hank] I don't know why you'd want to fool Dale like that, I mean, it's not hard, if you're someone he trusts, but hey, whatever turns you on, is what I always say.
- Hank Hill: [to Dale] You're not touching my mower ever again, you left it out in the street where any weirdo could just brush up against it!
- Dale Gribble: Hank, what would weirdos be doing near the gas station?
- [suspicious]
- Dale Gribble: What would weirdos be doing near the gas station...?
- Dale Gribble: Gentlemen,say hello to the Allegro X9J, code name "Redeemer" at the Mason mower skunkworks in Sidemount Hood. 73 decibels of twin-barrel four-stroke war cry, all at a price I can't really afford.
- Dale Gribble: That is a water-tight seal. I can mow my lawn in a hurricane. Can you mow your lawn in a hurricane, Bill?
- Bill Dauterive: I don't know
- Dale Gribble: You can't mow your lawn in a hurricane!, Can you, Boomhauer?
- Boomhauer: I tell you what, man, if I got that pause-trackin' goin' on, a little choke-hold, I...
- Dale Gribble: [interrupts him] Bullcorn!
- [as the garage door closes]
- Dale Gribble: Oh, almost forgot: Hank can you mow your lawn in a hurricane nope didn't think so ha ha ha ha!
- Hank: Dale, there are no robots and there are no Cubans.
- Dale Gribble: If there are no Cubans, how do you account for Desi Arnaz?
- Dale Gribble: I'd like to live in your fairy-tale world, Hank, but the Fair Play For Cuba Committee is retro-fitting my mower to power Fidel's one-man escape sub.
- Hank: [about Dale] We're putting extra stress on a structure that wasn't up to code in the first place.
- Bill Dauterive: Easy for you to say, it wasn't your naked butt in that picture.
- Hank: You took the money.
- Hank: Dale, get down here before someone gets hurt.
- Dale Gribble: Too late. I killed Shackleford!
- [the police gasp]
- Dale Gribble: No, no, correction - Shackleford wants a pizza.
- Dale Gribble: [Negotiating with the SWAT team which points shotguns at him] And I want my mower back with enough gas to get to Canada
- Bill Dauterive: Don't even ask if you can borrow my mower.
- Dale Gribble: Like I would borrow that piece of junk. Boomhauer, can I borrow your mower?
- Boomhauer: I tell ya what, man, I gone and loaned you my Monopoly set, man, you come back and no more dang ol' top hat gone, and B - Bard - Boardwalk got little mustard stains on it, Park Place too, man. Dang ol' mom comin' over and wanna, and end up playin' Stratego, man.
- Dale Gribble: Bill, can I borrow your mower?
- Bill Dauterive: Okay.
- Dale Gribble: Like I would borrow that piece of junk.
- Peggy Hill: Alright, we can use photoshop and make it look like Lee Harvey Oswald's riding on his mower.
- Dale Gribble: [after the police fire teargas at Dale] Is that all you got? I use stronger than this to kill squirrels.
- policeman: [using a bullhorn] Mr. Hill, move 6 inches to your left and clear a path for the you know what into Mr. Gribble's head.