- Bill Dauterive: [the captain enters the barber shop] Sir, would the captain like me to throw the lieutenant out of the chair, sir?
- Bill Dauterive: 900 dollars? Sorry Hank, I had no idea I was that valuable. So that's where the army makes all its money.
- Bill Dauterive: Hank, you can't fight the army without declarin' war.
- Dale Gribble: Maybe if you had the marines on your side.
- Bill Dauterive: Mm hmm, they're better than us.
- Bill Dauterive: Half of a half of a percent.
- Hank Hill: What?
- Bill Dauterive: That's what you tipped me. $2 on a $900 haircut is less than half of a half of a percent.