- Mrs. Laoma Souphanousinphone: It's a combination retirement home and cemetery... it's really quite convenient.
- Kahn Souphanousinphone, Sr.: I only did it because the thought of you two together makes me sick to the very pit of my stomach.
- Kahn Souphanousinphone, Sr.: And this is who my mother should be dating... man who conquer the moon, not the man who conquer moon-pie.
- Bill Dauterive: Anybody know where I can get two tickets to "Love Letters" at the Arlen Little Theatre?
- Dale Gribble: Good Lord! Has your ass gotten so fat you need two seats?
- Bill Dauterive: No. I have a friend.
- Hank Hill: [regarding Mrs. Laoma Souphanousinphone] I just don't like the idea of having a maid. I don't even feel right having a waiter clear my plate.
- Dale Gribble: So why don't you fire her?
- Hank Hill: Because that would be even more wrong than it was to hire her.
- [sighs]
- Hank Hill: Nope, I'm afraid we'll have to keep her on with us now 'till she dies.